Some people have worse lives, even if they are richer

The MSN page today had one headline that said:

Radcliffe is mourning
"Harry Potter" has lost a beloved person

So who is it? Ugh... it's his grandmother. So if the German word for grandma is "Oma" and that is also what they use in the article, wouldn't it have been convenient just to say WHO he lost in the headline? Why are the news becoming a quiz game? ->because nobody would have read the article otherwise.

Another piece of news I read yesterday was that a millionaire in the USA, don't know where exactly, killed his whole family of 5 people, and himself, all because of the financial drama at the moment. He was said to have lost all his money on the stock market.
I don't get this. He is/was a millionaire, so how does he lose all his money in a short time? If he is a millionaire, I assume he must have been a very clever, smart, intelligent guy. Perhaps more intelligent than me, because I'm not a millionaire and probably never will be one. But then I ask: If someone is so clever, why does he not just put aside one million? You can live a good life with one million dollars, right? The word "millionaire" already implies that the person has at least one million. If he has one million, can't he just put it on his bank account and leave it there? He probably had several millions, so he could have used them after all. Why do people always need more, more, more? Such an idiot. Sorry, this is just so stupid. I know it's a process over time, you need to re-invest money you earned, but you can also draw the line. Then you can be sure never to have to worry about money, or working again.

It's amazing how people who have better lives than I do can still become so miserable in the end. You know, I told my brother that what this guy did would be the same as me saving 10 000 euros, then going to the casino and saying: I will play roulette now, I will put all my money on "zero", and if it's anything but that, I will kill myself.

Paranoia

I have a strange kind of paranoia that I don't take seriously, it's more like a joke, but I tend to accept it as a part of me to the point where I start to doubt I am making this up.

Many of you know the Truman Show, a Jim Carrey movie. It's basically the same thing that's going on with me. Even when I was a small child, I once had this idea that there were invisible cameras around me watching me. Yes, it actually happened to me before this movie was made.

The reason why I often thought everything is made up was because my life was always different from the lives of others. Other people always had standard lives. I know there is no "normal" life, but there are ordinary lives and extraordinary lives. Mine is most extraordinary.

It's like everything around me consists of actors who imitate a normal world. When they pass me, it looks like everything is normal. It's supposed to look normal. But sometimes people stare at me as if they are thinking:"Look at me! I want you to see my face! It's my once in a lifetime chance to be part of this show! OMG! He has seen me!"

The way everyday life is unusual is also how I run into people when I deliberately try not to. The staircase is always silent, but as soon as I open the door ONCE, someone else has to open their door. I step out of the house, suddenly everyone has the same idea. I walk into the most forsaken forest, and suddenly everyone is out to walk past me. Whether it's morning, evening, night. But after all I still know: If I ever break my leg in the middle of the forest, I'm going to crawl all the way back to my house before anyone calls the ambulance.

Then there is how my life develops. It's very unusual, just like you would imagine the life of someone who is followed by cameras but doesn't know. Imagine you are on tv and everyone is watching you, but you have no clue. What would the producers want? I guess an extraordinary life. So while other people get born, graduate from school without ever repeating more than one year, and getting a boring job and a boring family, my life is totally different. And like I said, it is very different.

Who would guess that all these things would happen to one person: Troubled childhood, goes through 9th grade three times (!), suffers from depression to the degree where he gets locked up like in prison, records his own music in a music studio, meets his idol in a cafe after talking to her online (which, at that point, she is infamous for not doing at all), falling in love with someone from the internet who is strangely connected to the whole story about the idol, unexplicable incidents happen that can not be explained with logic, and then the same person also fails and fails at finding the right job training year after year.

Okay, at first it sounds like a bunch of strange coincidences. I mean, I might have had a plane accident too, right? Yeah, I know what you mean. But I can't go so much into detail about everything, just trust me that some things just can't be coincidence.

So I decided to just write down all the things that are going to happen to me. You can see it as a humerous thing, or you can see it as me trying to spoil the producers' plans. At least I would then know that I was right and the whole pathetic theatre could stop:

Age 26: Fails again to be accepted in a job training OR gives up on another job training.

Age 27: Tries to get married but the authorities make it impossible after the laws have JUST been changed to the subject's disadvantage (what a coincidence).

Age 28: Suddenly seems to have found a great job training. But subsequently, the company dies and the job training cannot be finished. It would have been the perfect company, he already felt so unbelievably satisfied in this job.

Age 29: Starts studying since he is too old to be accepted for any further job training.

Age 35: Finally is able to get married and does so. Dreams seem to come true. Finally there is mercy in this world. The celebrations are private but joy is everywhere. After that, it's still a struggle with lots of work in a demanding job that doesn't make him happy.

Age 36: The economy is going down, which is a good excuse for getting fired from a good job he just had for a month. A hard time begins. At the same time, a baby is on the way, so the pressure is immense.

Age 37: Subject decides to send demo CDs of his own music to record companies. And oh, what a miracle, he gets accepted and becomes famous, although not so rich. The baby is born, it's a daughter.

Age 38: The wife dies in a tragic way, no idea how, but it has to happen, right?

Age 39: After having lost so much (and he also lost money and fame because of the economy collapse and private problems), he fights back, becoming a sportsman who eventually wins prizes. He releases a book on how to overcome so many struggles in life while being a single father.

Age 40: As an experienced musician, he fulfills his dream of taking part in the amazing process of creating a new music instrument, a synthesizer that doesn't have ordinary keys and is very revolutionary. He wants to use this to put his crazy feelings into music, but is too busy taking care of his daughter and trying to raise money with his bad qualification.

Age 41-45: Leads a normal life again, not being able to be very happy. Lots of stupid things happen. In this period of time, he suffers from lung cancer due to passive smoking (yeah, you bastards!), and has to fight back yet again. It just goes up and down, but he eventually defeats cancer.

Age 46-50: He is back to writing music again, and some people are even interested in his new, mature music, but in a bad car accident, he loses his memory and has to start over. Only after many months he is able to recall all the good and bad moments, which causes heavy emotions in him.

Age 51: He overcomes his fear of cars and drives again. At least, he thinks, he was lucky enough to only lose his memory and not to be severely injured. He tells everyone that THIS is what gives him a good feeling.

Age 52-53: Another bad accident, but this time he also suffers complicated bone fractures. He recovers quickly, but it takes a long time until the pain in under control. He feels very paranoid, but not paranoid enough to hide from everyone that he feels lucky not to have killed anyone in the accident.

Age 54: Having decided not to drive a car anytime soon, he gets involved in yet another car accident, this time as a passenger. As the driver falls asleep, he tries to steer the car to prevent a collision with another car, but tragically steers the car into a pedestrian who dies. He is totally nerve-wrecked after this and feels absolutely paranoid. After this, he has to admit himself to a mental institution for several months.

Age 55: His daughter runs away and becomes a drug addict. She blames him for causing all of her problems, also claiming that it's not possible to have an undepressed child if the father was already so depressed. She is also angry that he had a new girlfriend in between. What she does not know is that he eventually gave up the relationship because he realised he could never get married again happily. There is only one wife for him.

Age 56: A war breaks out, and the subject has to go to war against a far away country. While he is away, his home land gets attacked by another country and his daughter is abducted (she wants to leave the series).

Age 59: He returns after several years of prison. He accepts a crappy job and decides not to try hard on anything any more since everything is so useless.

Age 60: Since he does not get influenced by all the ups and downs around him, the producers decide to reveal the big secret to him that his whole life was just a show. While breaking down in tears, he has a heart attack and dies. What a dramatic ending! Fantastic!

Almost beheaded, but at least killed

On T-online.de there was a headline that said "teenager almost decapitates woman". At first you think of an accident that no one was injured in.

The article itself then starts off with the headline "16 year old kills woman for 6 dollars". Shouldn't that have been the headline? Or what about "teenager kills for a fistful of dollars", that would have been a nice movie reference, right? At least that's a very sensational headline that may at least get a lot of views.

Instead they chose the headline I mentioned at the beginning. Why is it not enough to say right from the beginning that a teenager killed a woman? Why do they have to mention the goriest fact first before they bring up her death? Because it's not enough that a teenager killed a woman for money. That is something nobody cares to read any more. It's better to say how badly she was injured before you even say what exactly the result was - that it was fatal.

Headlines have to be short. And in the future, it will probably have to sound worse and worse. They will not talk about the number of deaths in a massacre, because that will wear off. Since September 11th it can't be topped anyway. So you just mention the number of limbs flying through the air, the amount of blood that's everywhere, and the immense torture that people go through. Only later you reveal what actually happened.

Who is this driver?

A so called live ticker where people can follow the events of a formula 1 race while it's running:

Nico Rosberg is in first position at the moment, Drive-Through is second, Giancarlo Fisichella is... wait... who the fuck is Drive-Through?

Sensational! A 15 kilo baby! Yeah...

Awww... look at that. A cute little baby sticking it's tongue out. Isn't that what makes all of us smile and forget our worries just for a moment? How cute. Let's see what a heartwarming baby story is written below it.

In Bangladesh, a baby weighing 15.2 kg was born and died shortly after birth. "The child hardly had any chance of survival. It's sexual organs were not correctly developed. It had the length of a normal child but chest, abdomen and limbs were very large", said Dr. Pabitra Kumar Kunda in Dhaka on Friday. Thousands of village people [...] went to see the dead baby. The hospital personell eventually had to hide the dead body.

What??? Is this picture even the right one to put up along such a story then? Well, I should have guessed that journalists also have an amputated sense of morality and respect for the dead. Why they put such a picture there is beyond my understanding. Usually you either put an actual picture of the place or persons involved above the article (for example the particular baby, the parents, or the doctor) or you choose a related picture, like any baby picture or a picture of a hospital floor. They chose a picture of a random baby. But instead of choosing something more appropriate that prepares the reader, they just use a sweet happy face because I guess that's what some people just HAVE to share with the world. Maybe it was a woman who was so heartbroken by this cute picture. Wouldn't a crying baby have been a better choice? At least it sets the mood. The picture you see above gives us the impression that the baby was okay and that it was going to say something like:"Hehe, look, I'm a very cheeky one. I gave my mother a lot of trouble getting her out of me. Yeah, I'm a little overweight, but I'm alright".

Disgusting... but obviously okay. This has seen the light of day, so someone must have approved of it.

Being stupid is okay, you just need the right job

Sorry to bring this topic up again, but it just makes me angry. This picture shows the two killers who caused trouble in Finland. One of them caused a massacre in 2007, the other one was the one I mentioned in my last post. There is also a text below the picture indicating who is who. Or at least trying to! But it was not possible for the author of those words to do that right.



This guy mixed them up. He wants to indicate that who is right (r.) is the guy who did the most recent massacre. But that is the other guy who got himself killed in 2007. I know that because there is again a wikipedia page that gets it all correctly and does it well. And wikipedia is run by everyone, no agency or people who get paid for gathering information.

Why does this upset me? Because left and right should not be a problem for someone who gets paid for making news articles and associating pictures with them. Why am I struggling so damn hard in my job, but other people get away with everything? Why is it not necessary to tell left from right? Why is inattention so damn okay in every other job except mine?

Another conclusion: Intelligence or good character traits don't matter. It only matters that you have a certificate proving that you sat your ass sore in a university. The only thing important is that you went to some place to study for 5 years. The number of years matters and the fact that you learned stuff you forget later. It's pointless of me to claim that I could do a better job even without all the studying. But that's not what matters. What matters is that you fulfill the criteria set up by "the others"... the state, the society, the business world. It is like that and it will always be like that. And I'm not saying that because of left and right, I'm saying that because of all the things I write here month after month, and because of what I go through in MY job. I certainly cannot afford to mix up left and right. If I do that, I will be called an idiot, I will cause costs, and I will not get away with it, even as an apprentice!

This is Finnish... but not the end

Sometimes even school massacres have something amusing about them. Okay, what happened today in Finland was not funny, but it caused my favourite site to cause another funny mistake. It's especially funny because I could not possibly have known it was a mistake, but somehow figured it out.
Here is the story: A 22 year old guy went amok and killed 9 people (death toll might be increasing), then shot himself and got severely injured. In this t-online news report, he is called "Herra S." by the author.






So far, so bad. I was interested to know more, so I checked the english Wikipedia page, where an article about the massacre had already been put up. Strangely, the name of the murderer was completely different there. He was called "Matti Juhani Saari". Okay, the "S." is correct then, because his last name starts with an "S". But what about the rest? Well, I checked again because I thought that probably "Herra" would be the wrong first name because the other name sounded like a complete Finnish name. And I already had a suspicion that became true. Take a look what "Herra" really means. One tip: There is a German word that sounds not too different.

Wow. So yeah... who do you think ever calls their son "Mister" as a first name? I can't imagine that's common, even in such a strange country. You know, I think the story went like this:

T-online reporter (now called T) and Finnish policeman (P) have a conversation:

T: Hello, do you speak English?

P:Little...

T:Who was the name of the killer?

P (feeling confused, turning around to a colleague): Um... question? Not understand.

T:The name... killer... shoot shoot. Name. How called?

P: His name... we not tell, just say Herra S. is privacy... understand?

T: Yay! I have to write an article totally quickly anyway, gotta go, must write quickly and I make so many spelling mistakes anyway. Thanks.

P: What... ever....

EDIT: The number of victims has increased to 10, the killer has died and t-online.de has changed its version to the more common one that had been on wikipedia before. But the mistakes never end: The news channel of my Nintendo Wii says the killer was 20 years old, as opposed to all other sources who say he was 22 years old. I guess journalism is a very difficult job. At least it's allowed to make mistakes because nobody cares except for nerds like me.

Amusingly illogical

When I made Pizza today, the radio was on and there was a song that gave me the inspiration for this blog entry. The message of this song was asking for forgiveness. But it was not direct asking, it was this indirect asking:"Can you tell her I'm sorry?"

Or there is a song on the radio where the singer always sings:"If you see this girl, can you tell her where I am?"

Oh yeah... how often have we heard that. Um... NEVER?! Come on! In my everyday life, I always have to hear how everything is MY responsibility, MY problems, MY stuff to deal with. I can't just say "can you take care of this for me?". And seriously, I'd understand if people sang about getting their tax computation done by someone else, or maybe they would sing about someone helping them out in general. But who in the world decided to give a song a chance that basically said: I'm too cowardish to apologize for something I did to my girlfriend. Can you please apologize to her on my behalf?

I can't get over it. If there were only great songs out there, either with fantastic melodies and/or amazing poetry, I would accept that without jealousy. But whenever I hear shit like that on the radio, I wonder why I can't just have that songwriter job. Sorry, it's true. Who do you even address with this kind of shit? Who would ever get so involved in a relationship that this person would apologize for something you did? The parents? The person who one person cheated the other with? The divorce lawyer?

There was another interesting thing today. My favourite shit site again, t-online.de it was. It was about a goalkeeper who didn't really have a great day in a 2:5 defeat. The whole text contained the word "fact" three times, once it was even not capitalised, which is wrong in our language. How uninspired must the author have been. It was like every other sentences was like "... [person] pointed out the fact that..." or "[person] was not happy about this fact". It's like everything is a fact. What has become of "circumstance", "situation" or simply "that"?

I wrote a comment then, because luckily there is a comment function below some articles. I pointed out the mistakes and then wrote just a little bit about the goalkeeper as an alibi. Some hours later the part about the mistakes were erased and only the sentence about the guy was left. Interesting. And they indeed changed their article a little! Success! Finally I achieved something. But that was not the first time. I even once corrected a spelling mistake that was on TV! Yes! My greatest triumph. I remember that a day after I pointed something out, they changed their spelling, even if it may have been only temporarily. Well, at least someone takes care of it. If I don't do it, then nobody does.

Now you may ask: Why is this guy so geeky about spelling? I will tell you. I learnt this shit and it got marked and graded at school. I don't allow things to change so quickly. It is happening around me all the time. If I leave school, suddenly the school system gets better. If I'm old enough to sit at the front seat of a car, they suddenly change the laws so that my brother who is 5 years younger can also sit at the front. I die, suddenly painless tooth surgery becomes a standard procedure.
I will not let things go on like that! They put me through all the shit, so we are not going to abolish any of it! Just because I'm older now doesn't mean that other people can act like children, can have sex with windows wide open, become careless about spelling and get any job that I would get and could perform a lot better with half the salary. I'm going to fight until I get too tired....*sighs*

Oh wait! One more thing... I'm not a native speaker so I may be wrong, but shouldn't it say "noticeably more comfort" instead of "noticeable more comfort"? Because there is more comfort in a noticeable way?
It is one slogan of a safety shoe company I read not long ago. And it made me wonder if I could have that slogan writer's job... I just really don't know why...

Only possible in the age of automated messages

Dear Customer!
Customers who ordered or rated 6 Steps to Songwriting Success: The Comprehensive Guide to Writing and Marketing Hit Songs by Jason Blume or other books in the cathegory Theory, Composition & Performance > Songwriting also ordered 6 Steps to Songwriting Success: The Comprehensive Guide to Writing and Marketing Hit Songs by Jason Blume. Therefore you are certainly pleased to know that 6 Steps to Songwriting Success: The Comprehensive Guide to Writing and Marketing Hit Songs will be released in November 2008. Order now!

Does this need any explanation?

RTLnow sucks!

RTL is a German television station. One of their advertisements went like this:

That is Max. Max has just missed his favourite tv show. NO PROBLEM NOW! BECAUSE NOW, THERE IS RTLNOW! WATCH YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOWS ON THE INTERNET! (and so on)

Okay, sounds good so far. I mean, that's not the first time I hear about stuff on tv being shown on the internet, too. You can even watch Formula One live on the internet, that's RTL's new service since a while ago. So it's available on tv and internet at the same time, no strings attached. You decide.

So... you might be thinking that RTLnow is the next step, because now you can even skip anything on tv and watch it later, at your own convenience. Needless to say, I will not wait too long because my episode might already be replaced by the one after that. So okay, what do you think I discovered when I checked out this site?

Well... it was shit. First of all, I purposely missed one brand new episode of Dr. House, and that -is- my "favourite tv show". So yeah, I thought: I will just go to this site and watch it there. But no! Not only is House not available on this site (so much about "your favourite tv show"), but you also have to
PAY
for the shit!

What is that? Let me get it straight for you: You can watch F1 live, you get it for free, you can turn off the tv, they don't care, they don't even care that the viewing rate on tv gets low because obviously, just like tv itself, they get clicks or "internet viewing rate" or something like that. I think you know what I mean. So to sum it up: They allow you to watch a great sports event that only comes every couple of weeks. They allow that. Live. No paying, you can just do it for free.

But when it comes to tv shows, they do NOT allow you to:

-watch a crappy episode of any random tv series
-to watch that episode for free
-to watch it for free days after it was already on tv anyway

So... it is only an episode of a tv show, no world championship, no live event, nothing that makes you want to grab popcorn and beer (not that I would).It's not live, so it does not even compete against tv, but nevertheless, you are supposed to pay! And most of all, there is no clue whatsoever in the tv advertisement! It looks like paradise! You miss an episode, who cares, you watch it on the internet! No, it was just a crappy joke.

What do they expect and why do they use this strategy? Is it like "telling them that it costs money will make them shy away"?
I mean, it's not like I see it costs money and then I think: Oh... what a surprise. Well, who cares, just give me the damn episode now that I have gone the long way to my computer and typed in the address!
Hell no! I can watch it for free in English, just have to search for it. It's more inconvenient, but okay, I will do it as long as I know what House did last time, but I'm not paying damn money for it.

The biggest joke of all is this: If I had known all of this before, I would have watched the episode that day. I would have stayed up and not done anything else. I would have given this shitty tv station their viewing rate. But instead, they neither got my viewing rate, nor did they get my money.

I think I will write to them some time in the future. After watching House today. On TV!

Hetero pride

"...the more important it is that stars confess their love for men in public: Thus they encourage those who hide their sexuality out of fear of the reaction of their environment and, at the same time, show the whole world that heterosexuality is not less "normal" than homosexuality".

You heard it! Don't be afraid! If you are heterosexual, if you are a guy loving girls or a girl loving guys, be strong! Step up to your gay parents and tell them right in the face that you deserve as much respect and love as everyone else! It is okay to like someone from a different sex, even if it's unusual and seems so unnatural because of all the physical differences.

Okay, I think you get the idea. This was simply another mistake done by an author of the German MSN website. They put pictures of all the stars who are gay on it and also this little comment about how okay and necessary it is to be gay. They just mixed up the words there and made it look as if heterosexuality is the unusual thing and not homosexuality.

Well, this mistake had to happen because the person who put the words on the site (maybe a gay person, considering the passion and commitment of his/her comment) had to make it more complicated than necessary. If you say "not less normal than bla bla bla", of course you get confused. I mean: That ain't not so hard to not misdiscomprehend, isn't it not?

There was also a huge understatement in the text, just above the one I quoted here. The author wrote that homosexuality is still a taboo in many countries and that some gays even get discriminated against in some countries. Hell yeah! You could also want to mention that some countries even kill people who are homosexual. But that would not be so nice to read, would it?

The reason for this is again religion. I think there are many things one can argue about in religion, but when you read what the bible (and other books) say about a man hanging out with another man in this specific way, it's clear enough that it's not so welcome. I don't care, I have nothing against gay people, but somehow I feel that Christianity and homosexuality don't go well together. You have to do a lot to make it sound right for yourself if you are gay.

Anyway, happiness comes first, I guess. But that is already enough for now. Just thought I'd share the madness of another mistake done by someone whose job I'd love to take over but can't because I'm officially not qualified enough.

Stop the presses!

-Similarities make relationships last longer than differences
-Sex is healthy
-Atmospheric change irreversible
-Atmospheric change definitely caused by mankind
-Facial symmetry is attractive
-Pair bonding influenced by facial features of the parents

What do all these online article headlines have in common? Well, several things. They are all commonly known, they appear time after time over years, they are always presented as "new" although they have been published before, and it always takes scientists to figure out things that any human being could guess.

The phrase is always "now [enter number] scientists at the [name] institute have found out that..." and it makes you wonder how many scientists can find out the same thing until all the scientists in the world come to the conclusion that other scientists in other countries have already stated the obvious a million times.

Another interesting thing is what the media make out of this. They use the amazingly researched information to use it for their own interests. You can easily link the "sex is healthy" part with the online dating site that you are supporting, link it to the erotic area of your site, and of course also promote "free love" as something totally normal. In other words: Just have sex with everyone as often as possible, otherwise you die early. By the way, people who kiss a lot live [enter number] years longer than people who.... uhm... don't kiss. Monks?

Eventually they do more things, like even turning bad things into good things. For example: If you cheat on your partner, be so nice not to tell them, because that ruins a relationship. You do your partner a favour by NOT telling them. And hey, it's better for everyone. You can have sex to support your health, and your partner can live without worries. All the stress is really unnecessary.

Yes, it's true. Our society has come to a point where it is open to discussion whether to tell someone that he/she was cheated on or not. In the good old days it was up to everyone to decide, but nowadays you can read everywhere what some stupid journalists think. Imagine if your partner buys a typical man/woman magazine and it's full of this kind of shit. What would you think? I personally don't like the thought that a magazine talks about "7 ways to deal with having cheated on someone" or "10 secrets a woman should always keep" or "20 reasons why magazines that use whatever number of reasons suck".

Why is all this such a big problem to me? Hm... I think it's because there is no room for the deeper meaning any more. It can be religion, but also the true ideal of being in a love relationship. It used to matter more to be loyal to each other, but nowadays it looks like nobody believes that loyalty pays off. You can't justify it with religion because 90 per cent of the readers are either unreligious or only religious by name. I also must admit: It's difficult to explain loyalty in a secular world. You can't say:"Well... you just don't do things like that".

One more thing: One colleague at work sucks. Why am I saying that? Just precaution. I don't want it to look like I didn't see it coming. If I ever write about him again, then you know I saw it coming.

Centum

Welcome to my 100th post! I will make it quick.

The following typos or mistakes were commited by my favourite website for spelling mistakes:

1. In an article about the weather, an expert said that as long as the days are longer than the nights, there is still hope for summer weather. In German, it would have been "Solange die Tage noch länger sind als die Nächte...". But instead, it said "Nächste", which means "next". But that doesn't make any sense at all, it's just a complete mistake. It's not even a typo because the letter "s" is not anywhere near the letters used for that word. That means that the writer was simply asleep or already with his brain on the way home.

2. A German football goalkeeper working in Austria was injured by fireworks during a match. In one article, he was called a former "Bundesligatrainer" instead of "Bundesligatorwart". So they made a former coach out of him instead of a former goalkeeper of the German first league. This time, it's again not a typo but another mindless mistake. A similar sounding word is used because the author only uses half of his brain to complete the article.

3. Another football-related article. A player has collapsed and almost died, and the comrades (Kameraden) achieve a victory in his name in the very same match. The only problem: The author of the article badly misspells "Kameraden" and turns it into "Kammerraden". Double "m" and double "r". This word makes no sense at all. I would like to assume that two keys got stuck on the keyboard at the same time, but that would be too nice. In this case it is simply a very, very bad understanding of our language. How can you even get a hold of such a job if you don't know how to spell such a word? I mean, one mistake in the word would be okay, but two mistakes make the word already so optically wrong that you -have to- realise that it's wrong. Didn't he struggle when typing the word? Was he in such a hurry?

Now I want to come back to the letter I mentioned the other day. You remember, I intended to write to my neighbours who like to have sex and arguments in the middle of the night with half-closed windows. Here is the letter (translated), I will just get straight the point:

Dear neighbours,

we are sorry to let you know that the standard of living has drastically changed since your arrival. [This place] is usually a relatively quiet area. However, it can lately be heard clearly how you argue loudly and then, also well-audibly, "exchange caresses", to put it mildly.

All of this happens in the middle of the night, sometimes in the evening, in any case easy to hear since your windows are half-open.

Now, unfortunately some people have to get up early in the morning. That is of course a little unusual to think of at first glance, but the reason is that these people have to work for their money. Apart from that, many people also have their windows open due to the summer-like temperatures, which is a right to everyone.

In your case you will have to keep the windows shut, at least for your nocturnal activities. However, we additionally ask you to be a little more quiet, because with the sound level up to now, not even double bullet-proof glass could prevent us from waking up.

Maybe all of this will even be to your advantage. Because when you tell your partner that you are angry, you can save yourself a lot of screaming around for the rest of the conversation. That gives the vocal cords a rest and makes it possible to concentrate on solving problems rather than throwing things at each other, only to drown them in a a five-minute mini orgy afterwards.

We expect that sensibility and discretion will win and hope for a good neighbourhood. Thank you very much and all the best!

Your sleepless neighbours

Note: Since I put the letter at their door in the middle of a night, it has been more quiet. They still like to make kitchen noise, but at least I don't hear any grunting or any more or arguments. But my personal theory is that habit makes people forget things easily. Habit is stronger than anything else.


There are more things to mention, especially stories on the bus, but I don't know how to put all of this in one entry and I fear that the number of readers decreases dramatically if I do. I will save it for later then. I would have liked a more glorious 100th post, maybe also with private greetings, but it has to be okay like this. I will collect more stupidity in the future. Farewell.

They did it again

Last night my neighbours repeated the same things they did the other day. First there was a huge argument, 5 minutes after midnight, that ended in shattered dishes. While they were arguing, their windows were open and they didn't seem to care that the rest of the world was listening.

When it stopped, I could not sleep for more than an hour. I was half angry, half shocked, half unbelieving that people so stupid can even exist. And I also expected them to have their typical make up sex that always seems to come after an argument. And yes, that happened, too. Not one hour, but 1 hour and 45 minutes later. This time it almost seemed that their windows were closed, but I could still hear all the noises. Again, it didn't last long, only ridiculous 5 minutes or less.

I don't know how to describe how they make me feel. Somehow I am shocked and disgusted that this is how a relationship sometimes works. They argue like crazy, all the time, then they have their standardised 5 minutes sex, then the world is okay again. And one or two nights later, it all starts again. A relationship as grey and full of routine as the most boring job in the world.

I will write a letter to them. I figured that it's useless to make it sound angry, and it's useless to make it sound threatening. Both will be ignored. I think I will write it in a satirical way so that I can still smile about it in a while, and it's also nice to pay back for all the shit they put me through. You have to keep in mind, it was Friday, and I have to go to work, dammit! Maybe they don't have to go to work because the state feeds them, but I have to get up early, yeah.

I also bought a book today. The title is "Generation doof" which would translate "Generation dumb" and it's a very nice book so far full of anecdotes of people who are just totally stupid. It describes the whole generation of people who were badly raised, who don't know anything, and who do the weirdest things that are so damn stupid. It's great.

So I guess my next entry will be this letter. We will see. In any case it will be the 100th post of this blog, a blog that has turned into a site that fights against the stupidity in this world. Never stop complaining because the worst is yet to come.

My neighbours had sex

This is the second post within 24 hours, and I actually wanted to write this in the middle of last night already.

What happened last night was outrageous and something that can only happen nowadays. Not in the 80s, not in the 90s, no, it happens these days now that people who were raised in the worst way are old enough to live in an apartment of their own.

Last night I woke up for the first time when it was about half past 1am. My window was half open, so I could hear what was going on outside. I heard a couple arguing in a very loud way. It was totally clear, so I could easily notice that their windows must have been open or half open too. It took a while, but a long while, until they finally stopped arguing. This was the second time at least that I noticed that, but the first time in the damn middle of the night.

The worst was yet to come. Because I woke up about one hour later, and while I woke up from strange dreams, I was already thinking "what am I dreaming here?". But I was not dreaming, it was the noise from outside again! And I can tell you, what I heard was even too much for me. All this moaning and screaming in a pleasent way. But it was not pleasent for me, rather "pukative" to describe how it made me feel awkward. Okay, they had sex, very loud sex. And it only lasted for about a pathetic 5 minutes. But again it was outrageous how they have sex at quarter to three in the night with windows open.

It makes me feel sick. I even had a bad feeling when I imagined what such a marriage must be like. Uoorgh! Disgusting. Can't they at least keep all the stuff that goes on inside their house? Do I have to hear all that?

This morning my mum told me that it's not the first time they had sex that was clearly hearable. It even happens in the evening sometimes, when people still walk around outside. They obviously have sex about three times a week. And there are also times when this woman has guests and she laughs all over the city with her crazy laughter. I don't know what these people look like but I bet they are the most typical, stereotypical people.

There are only two logical conclusions to be made about them. Either: They do not care the slightest bit about being heard when they argue or have wild, crazy sex. Or: They are totally clueless and brain-amputated about the fact that they -CAN- be heard. Which one is more likely?

Do you realise the strange resemblance? The deja vu? Yes, I actually talked about these kind of people before. They either don't give a damn or they have no idea. It goes for people who drive cars, parents who don't care about their children, people on the bus, people on the street, everyone! And it's a whole generation of badly-raised idiots! One day there will be so many of them that the ones who are now right will not be right any more, instead they will be a minority that will be considered "stuck up and nerdy". Or something like that.

I hope that it will stop some day. It is summer now, so I have no desire to not open the window at night, because I need fresh air. But one thing I promise is that I will not argue or have wild sex with open doors, unless I live in a big, big villa far away from the rest of the world. And I'm not going to live in such a place. These idiots neither, unless they win the lottery. With their low IQ nothing else can make them rich.

Wow... can't believe it has to come this far. Up to now, I have only complained about stuff that's rather usual. But this is not normal any more. Do I really have to discuss the sexual life of other people now just to get my deserved sleep? How do I make them stop? Do I really have to talk to them? We don't even know how they are called, where their door is or where to place a letter for them. Can they even read? Which words do I use? Coitus? No... too intellectual. I have to write it down in a very straight forward way if I do. n a house next door, they don't live in the very same building that we live in! Can you imagine how many buildings are capable of receiving these noises?

And just to make it clear: They don't live in our house, they live next door. In a different building. And it can be heard from all the buildings around.

Well anyway, just to let you know: I had to live here for 12 years to ever experience that!

HELLO!!!

When I came home from my first day of the new job training, something embarrassing happened that was just a typical bus story again.

I had not been on this bus line before, at least not since ages ago. When the bus arrived where I wanted to get off, there were three possible areas where it could stop. And that was the problem because it's not possible to tell which bus stop is the right one, so you basically wait until the bus stops and try to hit the "open" button.
The bus came to a halt and one person entered the bus already, so I figured that this would be the right moment to get off. Two people (a couple) were in front of me, holding on to the pole where the "open" button is. I thought they either don't want to get off or they are too stupid to push the damn button, so I walked around them, squeezed myself between them and the door and pushed the button like crazy. Only after nothing happened and I asked them like an idiot "doesn't it usually stop here?" they told me that this is not where the bus stops. The only reason the bus stopped was because the driver welcomed another driver to the bus!

Yeah... how could I have known that? I mean, it already happens to people when the bus stops in the middle of the road just because of a red traffic light. But this WAS a bus stop, AND someone even entered the bus there! So I had enough clues to think that the driver just didn't open the damn door. I'm just so happy I didn't scream "HELLLOOOO!" all over the bus.

You see how embarrassing it can get. And "Hello!" is just the right introduction of the old topic again. People who can't stop saying "Hello" everywhere. Sometimes people greet each other on the street, but who they greet is someone walking directly behind you! So someone you totally don't know walks at you, looks into your eyes and says "what? you here? Hiiiii!" and you are already starting to talk to them, putting your arms up or something like that. Then you find out they are referring to someone behind you. Ouch!

Or on the bus. You are daydreaming, possibly thinking about the day of work that's ahead of you, and some idiot walks by you and screams "HELLLLOOOOO!" or "Hello? Hello?". And THEN you find out they are talking into a cell phone. Argh!

The most amazing thing again is the ignorance of those who are in the center of the world in that moment. Not the slightest imagination of how other people might feel bothered. And the ones who don't even want to have anything to do with it, they have to duck and hope afterwards that nobody saw them when they made an idiot of themselves by responding in any way.

Behold! A positive post!

Yes, this time I want to tell you about a part of society that doesn't piss me off, instead I am finally proud of the people around me. In my quest for finding stuff to rant about regarding our society, I easily forget situations that happen to be good ones. Here we go:

To cut the story short, I was on my way to a grocery and found a wallet. Content: 5 euros, ID card, documents for a car and other important stuff. I decided that it's okay to give the money to the owner because 5 euros is no temptation at all, so I threw it into the slot that's next to the door (the owner of the wallet was not home).

I didn't expect anything then. My mum called this guy because she wanted to know if he received the wallet (she didn't know that this slot led -inside- the house and was not outside). So yeah, this man said on the phone that he was very happy to have his wallet back.

The next day, I was still in bed but already awake, the door rang. I could hear most of the conversation that followed between my mum and the man. He said he was very grateful that I brought his wallet, mentioned that the documents would have cost him a lot to be replaced, and also uttered this phrase about "young people who are helpful and need to be rewarded". So I got 20 euros as a gift. By the way, that was more than what I paid that day getting my groceries.

This man was born in 1935, which I know from his ID card. So he belongs to the group of people we call the old ones. And there is a lot of bad things to say about old people, but one thing is also for certain: Only few of them are really that bad.

In fact, old people rock. Yes! Why? They were raised the good old way! What they have in common with me is that we were beaten, we were called names, and we were given the feeling that we're not worth more than a donkey. Yes, but they have their manners and know how to act. They even teach us good things if we listen. And it's never bad to listen to someone who went through a war. They even tell us that our lives are not as bad as we feel they are.

Okay, now let me post the list of things that make old people so unique:

+being appropriately grateful for good deeds being done to them
+rewarding good behaviour
+appreciating good behaviour and being able to abstract the behaviour of the individual from the usual behaviour (example: young people = impolite bullies; exception = surprise = acknowledgement)
+acting in a way that oneself would act towards others; treating people how they want to be treated themselves

I have a lot of good experience with old people. I will probably rant about them again, but let me just say that most of the time that old people cause trouble, they are always the exception and there will be a lot more old people who act differently. Old people are cool and we can be glad they exist. Just imagine they were not there, there would be no authorities any more. Yes, real authorities, I mean. Not "teachers" and stuff. People who, just by the way they look and speak, already make a young child act more politely.

Anyway, just to say once again that not everyone is stupid in this world. There is not one thing that was bad about this whole incident the other day. I was not disappointed in any way, and even without a reward, I would have been glad for the complete appreciation, even over-appreciation for finding the wallet.

Well, don't worry, I'm sure I will get angry about something again.

Britney Spears' mum kills 12 year old boy and travels back to the future

I read an article the other day that went like this:

Shock! Britney Spears' mother kills 12 year old boy

Looks like things are not calming down at Spears' place. First Britney gets into one scandal after the next, then her sister gets a baby, and now this: Britney's mother killed a 12 year old boy in 1975! It was a tragic car accident.

and some paragraphs later...

Maybe she should have told her daughters about this earlier...

Okay... the most striking thing first: The headline is absolutely misleading. Saying that she "kills 12 year old boy" sounds like it must have happened at least in the last couple of days. But when you look at the fact that this happened decades ago (my very own parents didn't even know each other then) it makes it look as if Mrs Spears went back in time, accidentally killed a boy, and now shares this tragic event with the world. Is this a new movie called Terminator versus Back To The Future? Maybe she killed someone important.

The other thing is, what do they mean with "she should have told her daughters earlier"? I bet she did tell them before, but never cared to let the media know. And why? Because they make the biggest drama out of this, as you see.

I also want to emphasize that next to the headline of the article was a picture of her where she looked shocked. A very recent picture, not a black and white picture of her in her younger days.

Maybe the worst thing, apart from the level of patheticness, is the fact that this whole story totally uses the boy who got killed. I don't recall reading his name anywhere, they just use his accident and his unlucky fate to get some clicks on the internet. A shame that they make profit and dance on his grave like that. Apart from that, this story is just another useless drama story without any valuable content. I couldn't care less about something that happened so long ago. I mean: Just because it's summer, does it mean that everything is so boring that they are -that- desperate to come up with new stories? And why are they AGAIN misleading people by giving them a totally wrong impression? Do they think I want to keep opening their articles?

The problem with names!

I want to seize this post to complain about some things again. I will divide this post in several paragraphs so it's easier to read. The main topic today is: Names, sportsmen and the media:

Case 1: The Ronaldos
There is one thing that bugs me a lot about the media: As soon as two sportsmen with similar names are well-known, the media make it very hard to distinguish between them, and they do that on purpose. Maybe some of you know that there is this Brazilian footballer called Ronaldo. He was world champion with his country but his career is declining at the moment. You also know that there is another guy who is getting just as famous as the previous one once was: Cristiano Ronaldo. Now let me ask you one thing: What is so difficult about keeping the names distinguished just like that? When Ronaldo came, he only had his last name to refer to. When Cristiano Ronaldo came, he was always "Cristiano Ronaldo" and not just "Ronaldo". I think it was even his official player name on the shirt. So why in the world would the media suddenly refer to him as "Ronaldo" just because it's more convenient to them but confusing to the reader?
The mess began when Cristiano Ronaldo was so famous that people started calling him Ronaldo. Suddenly the other, older Ronaldo was in the media for some scandal, but then everyone was asking: Which Ronaldo? First you have to open the articles on the net to see who it is. And it always goes like that. You read a short headline but you have to load the article to see who it is.

There is also something else that's funny about the "real" Ronaldo: When he started his national team career for Brazil, there had once already been a player who called himself "Ronaldo". As you know, the Brazilians don't use their full names, because they are often long like "Ronaldo Luis da Silva de Marco Alabinirisi" (exagerrated). So they use artist names anyway. So young Ronaldo had to look for a substitute name because it was not allowed to use the same name for two different people. So he chose to call himself "Ronaldinho". He played with this name during a whole competition. Then, some years later, another Brazilian star rose. His name was... Ronaldinho. And then the ones responsible for the names were like:"Ohhhh shit! Fuck! What are we going to do? This is so messed up!" So in the end they threw away that rule, gave Ronaldo the "Ronaldo" shirt and the new Ronaldinho the "Ronaldinho" shirt. See, don't make it complicated, it's just the same as movie titles. Don't mess with them.

Case 2: The Schumachers
The most famous person with that name is Michael Schumacher, and I don't have to introduce him either. He quit his formula one career after the 2006 season, but as the most successful driver in the history of the sport, it's clear that he is still the one people think of when they hear the name. Especially when they use his nickname, which is "Schumi" in our country. When you say this, you are referring to just one person, and that is him. His brother, who is also a race driver, is sometimes referred to as "Schumi 2". Not so nice, but at least there is no confusion.

Something bad had to happen here too. In this year's Tour de France (yes, cycling, not motor sports), a young cyclist came up whose last name is.... well, you guess what: Schumacher. Oh hell... so what do the media do? Yes, they call him "Schumi" or "Bike Schumi". Which is also useless because Michael Schumacher is also a motorcycle driver at the moment. So whenever I read stuff like "Schumi won a bike race" or "Schumi fell off his bike", I think: What? He had an accident? He raced again? Oh, he won? He hasn't been a motorcycle driver for that long.

But then I have to think again: Oh wait... which one? Have to open the damn page. Argh.. advertisements everywhere. Where is it, where is it? What?! Tour de France? Who cares about that? Let this guy first win 7 championships before you give him the same nickname, okay?

Let's also talk about Ralf Schumacher now, Michael's brother. There was one article on the net that made my blood boil. First, let me say that Ralf is not in formula one any more since the end of 2007. Now, there was an article that said:"Does Ralf return to F1 soon?". First I thought: Wow, interesting, are some teams interested in him? Does his manager have a nice deal at hand? Is there any news about other people losing their seats? But guess what... the only thing the short and crappy article said was that Ralf would go back to formula 1 if he was offered a contract to race again. I mean... what the hell? Even I would drive in F1 if I was offered to drive there, dammit. Who wouldn't? Damn, yes, how obvious. Well, what about this:

Is XXX* the next world champion?
XXX* from team YYY* might be the next world champion. According to reliable sources, he said that he was eager to be world champion one day. A dream many people have. Bla bla bla, bla bla bla.

*insert ANY damn name

Okay, that's all I wanted to say about that. I just find it amazing how some people can write a whole article stating something totally obvious and fooling the reader into reading the article in the first place.

And Ralf is not going back to formula one. I know that as an experienced fan. End of the story.

Case 3: The guy with the stupid name
There is a comedian here who has had some success with movies, shows, etc. He has a totally random name but uses "Bully" as his artist name. So, there was this article that said that he is going to court to protest against a video game that is also called "Bully". A video game made by an American company. He said that he didn't like to be associated with this game because it has some (minor, if I may say) violent content.
Okay, now the one million dollar question: Who does this guy think he is? Does he think he can "own" the word "bully" and forbid everyone to use it? It's even a comedian so he should know how to accept that things like that happen. I mean, "bully" is one of the most used words in the world, people in America use this all day at school without knowing that this guy somewhere in Germany exists. What is he thinking? Do people go around calling themselves "Bully" or "Fancy" and then pout when they feel their rights are being ignored?

You know what? I'm going to do exactly the same. May I introduce myself? My name is
Mr. Love.
And everyone who writes a love song will get into trouble, because love comes from
Mr. Love.
Don't dare to forget that!

Haha... shit. I'm going crazy.

That was all, and I will end this post here so I don't scare away potential readers.

For those who are still looking for that something more...

Today, 8th of July, marks the 3 year anniversary. That is something special. Can't believe it. Whoever knows about me knows what I mean.

Times are changing so fast. And I'm still looking for what feels perfect. Deep inside me I still don't feel whole. Complete. There was this magazine I read the other day at work, it was about merging with your self. About being a complete, round, solid person. To put the "I" into oneself.

This was very interesting to read. Mainly because it said the things that I basically knew, but nobody seemed to utter these words in a scientifically valid way. But now it's open to everyone. The magazine said that we all have different drives. Some people are looking for a social network, they want to feel taken care of, so they fit into social jobs. Other people are looking for power, but not in a selfish way, more in a way how they can take part in changing the world. Yet another group of people are performance people. They are not looking for power, they are looking for doing well and achieving something.

When I read through all this, I realised how much I would have needed this before, and at the same time I realised that all of this still doesn't help me. It is not that I have not asked myself what is the right job for me. There are ideas I had, but there was always something in the way. I was once a very creative person. I had ideas of creating movies, music, video games, and I could name all the ideas I would put into one of them, and I always thought:"Let me do it, I know what people want".
A lot of time passed since then. I gave up these dreams because they were always associated with one of two options: One option is to go the wild way. Castings, going on the road, sending your stuff in and hoping for good answers. Just the way where you are not trained in any way, you just try your luck and hope to be picked as one of millions of people who try. The other way is studying, because you can study music, you can study movie/theater-related stuff, you can basically study anything. But both ways didn't sound appealing to me. It never seemed right. I neither had the courage or confidence, nor the time (that's how I felt) to study my ass off for 5 years or to dare to go the wild way.

The scary part is that once you enter a way, you hardly can escape. Doing a training once already means that you are most likely to stay where you are. Even the magazine said that personell managers rarely accept people who completely changed their vocational identity. I'm afraid of being unhappy whatever I do. If I'm not happy, I might not be able to get a job in a different field.

Somehow I feel left out again when I read this. It's like everyone can just listen to the inner voice, but I can't because life just doesn't work that way. I can't just do a job training as "millionaire" or "music star" because this doesn't work. I also can't just go to a video game company and say "you know what, let me take over from here". And you know, whatever you do, you always need skills that I don't have. If you get involved with video games, you need to do programming, which I suck at. If you want to study music, you need to learn all the tiring details about classical composing, and I don't have the nerves for that. And this is how the list goes on. I even gave up once and said to myself that I will go for foreign languages instead, because at least I was good at school in English. But what is the next shock? There are practically no jobs that are only foreign language and have a good perspective for the future. One reason: There are always better-educated people who know more languages and have even studied (!). Another reason: Languages alone don't get you anywhere. You either combine them with other stuff (tourism, economy) or you let it go.

So in the end I went a way that now, I rather doubt was good. First I went to a school that trained both foreign language and business-related stuff. After one year I stopped. Now I do a training that's totally business-related, and the only way it relates to what I actually wanted is that foreign language skills are helpful. But it's not even the case that they are a primary function of the job. They are only one side skill. It's like becoming a psychatrist when you're actually into religion. It helps but it's only one part of it.

It was always hard for me to imagine being happy in a job. This idea of going to work in the morning and coming back when the bones and mind feel tired. I have nothing against temporary work like this, when I know I can expect something better, but this is just where I'm not sure. I don't know how often I have to switch companies, countries, sectors before I end up in a good job. I don't even know what I'd enjoy. Somehow I enjoy working with people, but on the other hand I also shy away from others and my social skills go to zero. Another example of two factors eliminating each other. See, I have lots of them. I am not at all a complete person.

They also showed two pictures in this magazine of what characteristics a complete, integrated person and an incomplete person have. It discouraged me because I am the epitome of the incomplete person. Mistrust, fear, insecurity, hesitancy. All traits of the incomplete person. I could basically recognize -ALL- the character traits in me. The only positive side I could see was the inner calmness I often try to achieve.

Somehow I feel sorry about my self. Yes, not about myself, about my self. I'm sorry I can't reach the part of me I need to be one with. I'm not sure how to reach the happy child that turned into something else. I am left with a lot of question marks, and when I look over to the other side of the soul river, I can only shrug because as both of us can see, there is no way I can do a social job if I am not a social person, I can not do video games if I can't do programming, I can't do music if I don't study painful theory, I can't do director if I don't dedicate my whole life to it, I can't be a writer if I don't study a thousand books. There is nothing I can be except for a mediocre person who is glad to live. I do realise there was once so much that I wanted. And I realise how I can't be happy only creating music that a handful of people listen (and the same goes for other things I do).

I want to do more. But how... and how with the little self confidence?

Only one hope was in this whole article in the newspaper. One scientist says that a love relationship is one very good road on the way of becoming yourself. You grow towards the "I" in the presence of a "you", so to speak. And I get that, because it's where you can be yourself and don't have to act. Maybe private life is and was always my last hope anyway. Miserable working life, happy private life. Let's hope for that.



"Ich warte schon so lange auf den einen Moment
Ich bin auf der Suche nach 100 Prozent"

A rant about stupid people

How could 4 weeks pass since my last blog entry? I wanted to update a while ago already. But it's okay, I like it when time passes by quickly when I work.

Today there was another incident on the bus. As it turned out afterwards, 5 people left the bus at a bus stop. The funny thing was, none of them felt responsible for pressing the stop button in time. One person pressed it eventually, but that was so late that the driver just managed to brake and come to a halt several meters after the bus stop. I know drivers who would not have cared. And in that case, the others either go silent in shame or they start screaming in panic. What makes me feel astonished is this lack of awareness or responsibility. As if everyone is either dreaming or relying on someone else.

There is another example of this attitude. One of our neighbours is a woman we can't stand. She is, as far as I know, some kind of teacher, maybe preschool teacher, and she is the perfect example of what's wrong in society at the moment. The way she raises her children is just.... argh!
Okay, let me explain it this way:"You will PLEASE not do that. That is NOT NICE. No, you PLEASE don't do that."
And the child says:"Oh yes! I will!"

And it goes on like that basically. It's not only how she talks, it's also how the children act. They don't feel that their mother is an authority to them. Once our cat walked near these children, and one of them had a stick in his hand, and he made this throwing movement as if he was going to hit or throw the stick after our cat. And this boy is only 6-8 years old, I guess. What makes children only think of causing trouble and aggression? I feel it has to do with the lack of limits. They want to be treated as children, but the parents abuse them as equal partners, asking for love and recognition and treating them like they are already adults.
I am not making this up, by the way, I read this in an article in a newspaper. It is true.

Well, this woman also has this strange behaviour. It's the carelessness in her, she not only doesn't really care how provoking her own children are, she also doesn't care at all what the neighbours think. Basically all year long, she has something standing around in the stairway. It's either a stroller or bikes of her children. Now, of course nobody can protest against these things. They are basically not okay, but who would go against a mother like that? Nobody will. Just because people would think of you as a Nazi or some other kind of unworthy being immediately. "Worse than Hitler", in other words. Haha. But the crazy thing now is, she even put her OWN bike there. And that's a huge lady's bike. How can she dare to do that? If everyone did that, the whole stairway would be full of bikes, wheelchairs, motorcycles and paragliders (okay, you recognize the exaggeration).

At least they are moving out. But I know that, where ever they go, they will never learn their lesson. And you know what I also know? IF, IF, IF I ever did what she does, I would hear a lot of bad things from my neighbours. Then I would be the bad guy. It always hits you, but it never hits the others.

Having children is a perfect alibi. When you have a child, you have an excuse for everything. It already starts on the bus. You have a child, so yeah, it cries like crazy and nobody can say anything. You can't turn off the child. So that's where it begins... and I think that's where some women realise that they can use this everywhere.
When you have a child, you have an excuse for not working, you have an excuse for skipping some people in a cue, you have an excuse for being treated politely, for being offered a seat, and so on, and so on.
I have no problem with most of these things, but I would at least appreciate if these mothers acted with a lot of respect and awareness of the things around them. It often feels like they lose the ground beneath their feet and feel like the world belongs to them. It's an overkill of female emotions.... oh no, I can't believe I'm going there again.

Well, it's true. First you get fed this shit about "the goddess in you", then you go through "the miracle of birth", which already makes you better than any man because they can only watch in awe how you go through pain they could not survive, then you become the mother goddess, the lion mother with her children who protects them with her life. Yeah. Of course that's how some women feel. And they also serve their country, keep the economy alive, they are the real heros. And men, they are so useless. Wow....

Some women are okay because they don't get carried away. They still scream at their child in a moderate way when it really does shit, and they also say "step aside" in the supermarket when someone wants to go by and the lousy child is standing in the way, staring somewhere with its mouth drooling and a finger in its nose. They also tell their children to get THE HELL AWAY FROM THE ROAD. Yes... I'm sometimes also astonished how much faith parents have in the car drivers. It's like the WHOLE damn society is thinking:"Can't someone else pay attention for me?"

And this is where it goes back to the beginning of my entry. People here are depending on each other. People on the bus depend on each other by not pressing the button. Mothers depend on other people to not kill their children while they don't even protect them, drivers who drive like crazy depend on other drivers who, if they drove the same crazy way, would collide with them, and everyone just depends on everyone else. The world belongs to those who take the lead. Or those who live according to the rules.
I know that so many bad things would happen if I was one of these careless people. The bus would keep going, I would drive the children to death, I would get into accidents, and I'd make all my neighbours so damn angry. I have had these situations, don't think I haven't. Yes, for example I almost drove some children to death, but luckily I'm someone who pays A LOT of attention. I don't want to imagine being some techno-listening-punk idiot who drives these children to death with 50 km/h on a parking lot.

The absence of mothers in life-threatening situations is inversely proportional to their unjustified feeling of superiority.

10 years ago

This post is about an event that took place exactly 10 years ago. It was one of these days like September 11th or the day that Princess Diana died, when you can ask anyone and they will know what they did that day.

I was in school as a 15 year old kid, having math tuition, when there was news on the radio about a high speed train accident. The guy who was sitting next to me shook his head.

The accident was the worst train accident in the history of our republic, and the worst high speed train accident worldwide. 101 people died, many were injured.

The circumstances were tragic. A wheel tire was so used that it broke and rammed into the floor of one of the cabins where people sat. These people survived what happened later, but did not manage to react well to the sign. They tried to inform one of the train staff, but it did not take much more than a minute for the disaster to happen. They could have activated the emergency brake, but did not find it. It would have changed everything.

Near an upcoming bridge, the damaged part of the wheel made some parts of the train shake, and then the broken wheel part hit a turnout on the rails which caused a part of the train to go on a different rail. Then it hit the bridge with such force that the whole bridge collapsed, killing 2 railway workers and throwing down the car on top of that bridge. News reports later assumed that the accident was caused by the car falling on the rails, which was not true.

Most people who died were killed either by the bridge or by the immediate slowdown from over 200 km/h to zero. The front part of the train was undamaged, one carriage ended up in the grass, 2 or three rolled out after the bridge, the train head kept driving until the driver was told he was running all alone. He had not noticed what happened, only notice some shaking and suspected a techincal problem. Afterwards he was so shocked he did not leave his train for 2 hours, and never drove again either. All the other carriages came to a sudden halt as you can see in the picture.

There was a documentary about the dead people, about people who survived and about families involved. It was a very distressing kind of documentary, they even used actors to play all the things that happened. Some people were killed who had not travelled by train for years. One man lost his wife because he had sat down on a different seat to lie down and sleep, and his wife was not even far away from him. One person reported that after the accident, he called a hospital to hear about a woman whose daughter was desperate to know how she was. He found out that she was alive and not in big danger, and he informed the daughter and the husband of the good news. Then, to his shock, he found out it was a different woman with the same name, and the real one was dead.

Yet another person found a body that was already covered by sand, and when he saw how the face had no ears, nose or anything, he was so shocked that he put the sand right back and covered the face again.

There were many stories like this. What matters is that people learned from it. The Inter City Express (ICE) now uses different wheels.

And it's a reminder to appreciate life. I didn't want to swap places with any of the people involved. What one can say is, we suffered with them on that day in Eschede. It was a black day for Germany.

To whom it may concern...

You know what bugs me? People who write news articles and make spelling mistakes. Or even putting wrong names in them. Like "Jorge Mourinho" instead of "Jose Mourinho". Or "Michael Schuhmacher" instead of "Michael Schumacher". They think they know what the people are called, but they are totally wrong and know nothing. Can't you expect from a sports article writer to know how the people he/she is referring to are called?

Much more common is that people make stupid mistakes like spelling or grammar. Most of the time words are double, like the guy is typing something, then he gets distracted, then he continues the sentence but types the last word he typed in AGAIN. And nobody reads through that article just once to check for errors. Sometimes they start a sentence, then end the sentence re-using a part of a sentence that was already used before. Or a verb comes at the beginning of the sentence and reappears at the end, making the sentence absurd.

It's okay that it happens once in a while, but I see this all the time. You know, it's not like it makes me angry in general. It's just that I think: Damn! Can I please have this job? Can I do this kind of thing to earn a living? Can you give it to me? I'm not even asking for more money, just let ME do it!
I would do it. You know, these people work on the internet, they have lots of readers, they get all the attention and often they can even really comment on things and not only have to convey facts. But the way some of them are is just unprofessional. I imagine it to be this way (and sorry again, I imagine they are all women):

A: (starts typing a sentence)
B: Hey, Angie, did you see my new shoes?
A: (stops typing) Oh! What? I didn't know that. They look cool!
B: Yeah, I was at this shoe shop with my boyfriend, but he was totally not patient.
A: Yeah, I know. Boys... at least you have a boyfriend *sighs* (resumes typing, but types one word again that had been typed before already)
B: ...Oh well...
C: Hey girls!
A+B: Hey! Nicole! How was your date last night? (A and B stop whatever they have been doing)
C: It was horrible! That guy was so annoying!
A+B+C talk for 20 minutes, then each of them quickly finished what they have been doing, adding lots of mistakes and leaving sentences unfinished.

Okay, maybe you get the idea and I can stop here. That's how I feel about these people, they sit in their office chit-chatting over everything and not even paying attention, and they are all women. Why women? Because of the way they write the articles. These articles are all about gossiping as soon as they are not mere news. You can read the bitchiness in the article without even knowing the name of the person, and you know there must have been a woman writing this. Just because of the annoying way it is written. But that is hard to explain.

Moving on... I'm trying to get a hold of my aggression. Haha. Well... it's easy to feel upset, even about little things. I discovered the only way to relax is to listen to very calm music. When I find something calm, funny or interesting, I put it as a favorite on my youtube page.
People can say that I just shouldn't be so angry. But that's too easy to say. I have aggression in my genes. My dad was a very aggressive person, even a drinker and a hell of a mad driver, he risked his life all the time doing crazy overtaking maneuvers with his children sitting in the car. Once he almost lost his life to it, and later vowed to take it easy. But I think he returned to aggressive driving. What matters is, I know where this aggression comes from. I don't think that I took it over from him, it's possible because children often solves problems the way their parents do, so it would be a way to explain, but I think it also has biological reasons. Maybe some kind of testosterone overflow, or just seeing red when things go bad. Something in the brain. I go berserk when things don't go well. If it's really bad, I get desperate attacks, I smash the keyboard, I damage the shower, I hit things and throw them around, there were times I was so desperate about my stupid homework that I got something like a nervous breakdown. And all the time I think:"I should be doing something more useful/fun right now".

I know I won't last long like this. But I'm not letting myself drown in the sweet self-pity of such a thought. I want to be healthy and not burden other people by letting them know I will die early, instead I'm going against it. There is a tendency in me to be peaceful, too. I learned how to meditate when I was still a child, maybe 11 years old. And I have started doing sports seriously. Not like before where it was just a phase of a couple of days. I am now doing bodybuilding. It has been 2 and a half months, so no fucking around, I got used to it. Today was the 51st session that I marked on my calendar. So far, I had about 15-18 sessions per month, so I trained my body sometimes 6 times a week, sometimes only twice, but I did it professionally by reading a lot about it. When I first started out, the exercises were pretty lame, I did the wrong movements, didn't know much about what matters. Now I know that it has to be done well, that I have to train all muscles and not only the ones I want to see grow, and also that the workout is only one third of the whole thing. Yes, that's right, one third. The other two thirds are eating the right food at the right time and giving the body a lot of time to rest. There is nothing more stupid than doing 2000 situps every day.

Now, after about 50 sessions that lasted between 5 minutes and 90 minutes, and after getting more and more professional at it, I can already see I did some improvement. There are muscles I didn't know of before, when I pose in front of the mirror, it looks nice, and I also lose some fat. Because that's part of it, too. You can't see certain muscles if you have loads of fat over them. I am still overweight, so I had to change my habits. I banned chocolate from the table, and to my surprise, it's not even a torture to the soul. I used to be a sugar junkie, but now I realised that these crazy hunger attacks disappear when the blood sugar level is normal for several weeks. I can only recommend to take that into account. Eating sweet things makes the body get unbalanced, and then it will try to decrease the blood sugar level, then you will suffer from an extremely low blood sugar level, and then you feel hungry for chocolate again. I eliminated this problem, and now I am barely even hugry at all! I can almost eat nothing without noticing it, but again, that would be wrong too. If I eat too little, my body goes into the saving mode and consumes less calories. So I need to force myself to eat a little at least. But that's okay, I like cooking.

Enough of that. I'm curious what it will be like in 6 months if I can keep this up. It's even okay to have a break once in a while, but I need to make sure not to injure myself.

Hm... We are reaching the end of May. The winter has died. Summer will come sooner or later. I guess it will be hot like hell, but won't last too long. We will see...

Human behaviour

In the last two or three days, it happened several times...

The bus has been at the bus stop for several minutes and is getting ready to leave the place. Suddenly a girl or woman jumps up and screams:"Sorry? Can you open the door? Can I get out?"

Looks like female impulsive behaviour. The female subject has noticed has noticed a fellow female and now has decided from one second to the next that it has to leave the bus immediately, though there has been enough time to get off the bus during the normal stoppage time.

So what's typical for male individuals? Maybe this: Two guys are on the bus talking like they are the only ones, suddenly one of them screams:"HELLLOOOOOO!!! We wanted to get off!" The bus driver screams back:"Also HELLO!" and stops the bus immediately to let them out. Either the bus driver was in a coma vigil and didn't notice he should have let them out or the guys were so busy talking that they didn't hit the push button. In any case, it means unnecessary stress to the conspecifics.

I think there is no better way of demonstrating and analysing the human nature than the everyday life events on a bus. Being on the bus is like being in the jungle. This is the real place. You can't be closer to the real action. You see all the behaviour, matching, fights, conversations, body language.

It's always great to see what's special about females and males. Of course, I can't go around the fact that guys sit like they are giving birth. That's just true and I don't know why it happens this way. Maybe they sit in an unhealthy position when they are somewhere else so they squeeze their testicles, so they need to give them extra space on the bus. But I don't think so, it's just a very strange kind of sitting position. I wish I knew why they have to sit this way, I know it's comfortable but there are only few girls who sit like this. It's just like a guy seeing another guy and then wanting to get off the bus all of a sudden. It just doesn't happen!

Or going to the toilet in public places. Would you ever expect a guy to say:"Do you want me to come with you" when another one says he needs to go to the toilet? That would be more than awkward. But it's normal with girls.

Then there are also the psychological differences. Girls permanently consider themselves more ugly than they are in the eyes of the guys. They also constantly eat less than they should. I'm not sure what's the counterpart on the male side. Maybe the fact that they misinterpret everything. Guys see sexual messages in almost every kind of body language. Every look from a girl can mean a lot, and girls who just want to be friendly are mistaken as totally interested. This is based on the problem that guys are the ones who, as society wants it, are supposed to make the first move. If a guy can only guess and guess and guess, it's hard to say if he has chances, he can not expect a girl to go ahead and say that she is interested. At least that's the biological rule, it seems. And girls, they are programmed to only be looked at and being romanced, so they are in this passive situation where they need to look good, and good is never good enough. Hence the feeling of ugliness.

So many things would be better if people overcame their biology. Girls would have to become less dramatic, more sensible, logical, responsible, practical. Guys would have to open up and show feelings, not always play the hard ones, allow themselves to cry, and also not have this you-don't-understand-me-anyway-and-it-feels-good-this-way attitude.

I don't think we will get there so soon. This society is not ready anyway. It's still normal for a woman to have a part-time job all her life because she can "hide" behind her status as a mother. A guy will be laughed at for asking for such a thing. Guys need to be real men, they need to defend the family like wild lions, as if there is a need to display manhood. Man, they need to be so tough, if it gets even tougher they turn to stone.

There is also this tendency to go back to the roots. There is one author, a woman who made career in the showbusiness as a newswoman on tv, who promotes the "eve-principle". That means, going back to being a real woman, in the kitchen, with children. I have no problem with women being women and men being men. It's very rare that men get pregnant, so there's always a point where men will be men and women will be women. But you don't have to overdo it.

Okay, now the quote of the day for each of them:

Men: *Rooaaaar* Be a man, man!
Women: Discover the goddess in you.

No, don't ask me what it means. This is the only bullshit I remember from tv advertisements.

Moments that leave you speechless...and the blood boiling to the ceiling

Let me tell you something that happened today. My cat choked on a blade of grass that she had swallowed (at least for the third time in her life now) and we had to take her to the vet, on a Friday, after 7pm.

We went there and didn't expect that many people would be there, the place was already supposed to close down for the day. We sat down, and other people were around us, still waiting. One of the people working there, a former classmate of mine, recognised me, smiled at me and said that my hair was so long. Very nice of her and it was funny how again people are so happy to see me.

Then happened something that makes me wonder what is wrong with this world. A couple entered the room, they had a cage with a cat with them, and they sat down. For a split second, I thought about saying some silly thing like "are you here because of a blade of grass, too?" but I kept my mouth shut. Later, when someone said "next one please", both me and my mum, and also the other couple stood up. I looked at them in confusion. Then the woman said "we were here first". My mum and I were more confused and my mum said that we were first. The next sentence coming from the woman was:"that is wrong, but go ahead". It made me kind of angry, this attitude of complete make-believe perfection, the arrogance to think that they are right, but they are only stupid. They were the very last ones to enter that vet place that day, nobody came after them, not a single soul. How can they claim to have been there before us?

It makes me wonder, are people completely idiotic and at the same time insisting in the most arrogant way, or are they calculating, manipulating and evil? Did they expect to fool us because we look like stupid, weak people?

There are so many more examples of this kind of behaviour. The worst thing is the way I feel helpless about it. It's as if I'm the last person who was raised differently. As if I was the last person who was beaten as a child and taught to follow authorities instead of rebelling against them. Most parents nowadays, let me tell you, raise their children in this "please don't do that" or "you won't do that, will you" way. Not in the "stop it, dammit, you idiot" way. I'm not saying that the latter is better, but this is the way I know and though it damaged me immensely (together with being beaten up), it at least made me a bearable part of society. Not someone who you have to ask twice to give way in a grocery. Or to help if someone needs help. But today, people are really, really different. Not only children, also parents. As if I was raised in a family from the beginning of the 20th century.

I don't want to be mean and prejudiced, but there is something about a lot of women that I don't understand. I've mentioned the example above, that was also typical for a woman and is hard to expect from a man, don't ask me why.
Another example is this (and I ask you to imagine this vividly): I am in a grocery, holding a bag full of things I just bought. I'm walking towards the exit/entrance area, which is kind of narrow. Near a stand of postcards, I get stuck because a woman with her little son is approaching me, and for some reason, she has to stop right in front of me and do various things, like looking around, talking to her son, etc. Not for a single, not even the slightest moment, does it seem awkward to her that I, as a total stranger, am standing right next to her and her son as if I belong to the family. It simply doesn't matter. I stand there and stand there and every second I think:"Now is the moment. Now is the moment that she tells her son to move away so the man (me) can walk by. Now comes the moment". But it doesn't come. This woman is too busy daydreaming or talking to her one and only sweet sweet boy.

Another example. I'm in the car, driving towards a crossing, and if other cars approach, I know I need to give way. There is a car coming around, so I stop my car to let the other car go by. But the car gets slower and slower. For a second, I think, maybe it's someone who doesn't know the traffic rules here, but that would be okay. But no... the car stops right in front of the crossing, without even giving any signals, and an old woman steps out of the car. Shaking my head, I hit the gas and go by once again. I can see that a woman is the one behind the wheel.

You know, the question I have is: Why are women so emotional, so caring, so "I feel so many things, and I want to know how my dad, my mum, my siblings feel. Everything is about feelings", yet they can't even act according to everyday life situations. Sometimes they are in their own world. And then it also happens that they are so into their own world that they start imagining things (see the first paragraphs of this text). Why are women all about feelings, yet they can't sympathise with strangers? Like:"How does the other driver feel if I leave him in confusion?". Don't we have feelings, too? Oh yeah, blood boiling feelings.

I really don't have a problem with women, but sometimes they freak me out. I think if I was a woman, I would really be stressed out because it takes so much concentration to just not get in someone else's way all the time.

Okay, as you know, I have problems too. I think I need some sort of therapy. It's the stress. I get totally angry easily, I feel stressed easily, and I get scared easily, AND I'm paranoid. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode and die of exhaustion at the same time...and the muscles that ache the most are the shake-head muscles.
I won't get very old this way, but I don't want to die too soon. Something has to change, also for the sake of the people who have to tolerate my behaviour. How do I go about this at all? I feel like everything is in my hands and up to me all the time. I can't allow any mistakes because I feel embarrassed often enough already. I have to pull myself together, and at the same time I can even feel scared when I hear a leaf falling off a tree (no joke, it happened one night).

The discouraging thing is that I do sports, I take baths, and it still doesn't really change much. And apart from that, I tend to feel hopeless about life. Life is only short joy and lots of Tristesse.

Ira is right. Everything is not good enough for me. The best is just good enough if I'm lucky. Maybe I ask for too much, but what can I do when the standard for happiness is set so high?

At the moment I already appreciate if strange people (women and men) don't make my blood boil... and not to mention my cat that makes stupid things on a Friday evening.
Yeah... sometimes I could cook noodles in my stomach, that's how I boil.