Monday, April 02, 2012

When doctors are helpless

I had to see a doctor today because of my weird medical condition. I had an infection some weeks ago. Throat pain, coughing, headache, pain in my ear. Some of them took several days, others only one day. The pain in my ear only lasted one day, but after that, the pressure on my ear didn't go away completely and my hearing is impaired. I can generally hear in 3D (so to speak) and I can hear certain sound waves on both ears, but some things don't work so well. It also sounds like I'm talking to myself when I speak, and it only affects one ear. If I put a finger into my left ear, both ears hear almost the same sound when I speak.

So I clearly have some kind of problem. It's been going on for over a week. It troubles me to know that I feel healthy apart from that, so there should not be a problem at all!
I went to see a specialist, only to find out that this specialist is clueless about my condition. They did a couple of tests and found out that I can hear most of the stuff. He found out that the outer ear canal is free, so nothing obvious blocking my ear that could be removed from the outside.

So he threw a couple of medical terms at me, one of which translates to "ear problem without a known cause" but still sounds fancy and serious at the same time. Well... it's nice to know that nothing is known about the source and possible healing of my problem. It could go away, and no one knows whether it will or where it came from.

On the other hand, I read somewhere that this time of problem can't be what the doctor said because pain is never part of that particular problem, and I had pain once.

When I left the doctor's place, I had the feeling he had been trying to convince me that I actually don't have a problem, or that most of what my problem consists of is a subjective matter. Well... I only know I'm not making this up, and I know that I can feel what's going on inside my body. Most of all, I can feel that there is something in the inner or middle ear, at least not something that can be removed. But something that blocks my ear from the inside and sometimes increases or decreases the pressure.

I have to do my own healing and hope that it works. It feels strange and I feel disappointed that I have a hearing problem at the age of not even 30. I feel self-conscious in conversations, not very confident, I feel like I have to turn my head to hear with one ear only, or that I have to read lips. So sad.

When I listen to music, it doesn't sound so strange, but when I talk or listen to things in a room, it sounds a little one-sided. And I hate talking to myself more than talking to others when I try to talk to others.

I hope this will go away. I will use an infrared lamp, spray, pills, sleeping on the other side, and so on.

If nothing changes, I can call myself disabled without being officially recognised as disabled. But to be honest, I don't like the idea of one day having to work in a call center (phone service) and having this hearing problem.

My only hope is my knowledge (what appears to be disputed by the doctor) that there is a physical object or fluid that blocks my ear, changes shape, causes a cracking sound once in a while, and that my ear has a different hearing ability at different times of the day. When I wake up, it's different compared to later, or when I shower. When I blow my nose, the pressure becomes very strong and I have to be careful.

What is this problem?

The doctor doesn't know. I either have to live with it or hope for a miracle or self-healing. Science doesn't seem to help me this time.

And this is the year 2012. Not 1899.