Thursday, December 22, 2016

End Of Year Post 2016

2016 was not the worst year, but maybe the most tiring year I've had so far.

I'm at home now lying on the couch, and I feel completely tired, even though I have to pack some stuff for a trip.

I'm emotionally and mentally drained. I don't feel "christmassy" at all, not only because a stupid muslim terrorist killed people at a christmas market the other day.

I actually don't look forward to the next few trips. I'm wondering why I agreed to travel. It felt like a good idea, but now the last thing I just googled was about being married and having a solo trip, just wondering if that's a thing people do sometimes.

2016 was very exhausting because we moved from one city to another. It should not have been a big deal, but it turned out to be one.

Not only did moving remove me from the environment I was used to, which is okay, it also killed my passion for blogging. It doesn't feel like I have enough space, enough room, even though I have a room of my own now that I haven't used a single time so far!

I don't have the energy to finish setting up the new place. I'd rather just lie down. I'm very, very tired.

There are ideas in my head of things I could do if I had more energy. But I don't have that energy. What's even worse is that I have negative expectations. I expect to be scolded for "only" lying around and not doing housework. I don't expect understanding for why I feel so drained.

The weird thing is that I barely have any memories of the year 2016. I remember that I was in Singapore, although it feels like it could have been 2015 (which it was, as I was there last year too). Then I remember I was also in a couple of other cities, and my memories of these places are mixed. There were conflicts. Not everything was great.
But for the most part, a large chunk of 2016 was just bitten off my memory, and that's the time somewhere between May and November, when all these crazy things occurred that had to do with us moving from one place to the other. Because we had a water leak and the whole new apartment was flooded, it ruined the whole year. Not only did it cause a lot of work and stress, the stress led to bad feelings, anger and hurt.

So, 2016 was a year that only really had about 5 real months in it, the rest was only hard work and lots of energy drainage.

I'm very unhappy about life right now. And I can't get back on my feet. This is how 2016 ends for me.