Saturday, August 22, 2015

Beating The System

For the past 9 years, I have been worrying, thinking and cursing regarding a specific problem I had. This problem is now solved. However, if I had asked my former self, 9 years ago, if I believed the problem could even be solved, my former self would have answered "impossible".

Although I'm a very logical person and I know how to come up with ideas on how to get out of difficult situations, this one specific problem has been costing me a lot of hours of sleep, a lot of nerves and brought me a lot of stress.

In order to solve the problem once and for all, I had to think way outside the box. The solution was never inside the box. It was always outside. And the reason for that is that each "solution" would have eliminated the desired effect in one of two opposing parties. In order to achieve the desired effect, I had to please two parties at the same time, which was impossible inside the box.

If I did what party A wanted, party B would be displeased.
If I did what party B wanted, party A would be displeased.

And when I talk of party A and B, I am not talking about outsiders alone, I'm also involved in the whole thing and have things I absolutely don't feel comfortable with.

So what was the out of the box solution?

Doing something I feel good about, which one of the parties will be okay with, and making the other party believe they got what they wanted.

This would go both ways, so I could fool any party, however, I have to feel right about it, so I would not fool anyone I believe doesn't deserve to be fooled.

The only thing I realized: It doesn't ever really end, the problem. I mean, the MAIN problem is solved, but it still never really ends. Questions keep on coming.

You can compare it to the expectations that parents have for their children:

  • First, you must finish school... at least graduate in some way. You can still suffer from depression and/or don't know what to do AFTER that
  • At least, get a job training and finish it. You must have a qualification to have a chance on the job market. If you are too old, you won't be able to get a job training. AFTER that, you can have a depression, fall sick, go to hospital or do any of the other useless things like trying new things or finding out what you were born to do with your life.
  • Now that you have a job training, you have got to get a job quickly. If you don't make that step now, you won't have what every job advertisment calls "experience". Once you have at least some experience, you can still do a sabbatical AFTER all this, have your depression, all of that other stuff.
  • You have to get married. It's now or never. We'll leave you alone AFTER that.
  • Now that you are married, aren't you going to have kids within the first 12 months of getting married? We'll leave you alone AFTER that.
  • Make sure you raise your child according to our religion. And don't ever let it marry into another religion. We'll leave you alone AFTER we're sure that everything is alright.

And I'm sure the list goes on, as I will watch it go on with age...

My point is, whatever you do, people will still ask questions and not leave you alone. You could spend your whole life doing what other people want you to do or pretending to do so.

The difference is, I want to draw the line here. I've done enough things now (or pretended to do so) and now I say: "I'm drawing a line in the sand, dude, across this line, YOU DO NOT..."