Monday, October 14, 2013

The perfect American president

Warning: This post is very controversial in its nature. I intend no racism or any other kind of discrimination against minorities mentioned here. This is purely a parody of extreme political correctness and the attempt of people to please everyone.

I watched some videos about feminism on youtube and realized once more how difficult it is to please everyone. It seems that many situations in life are viewed by feminists as degrading, disempowering or in other terms negative for women. As a guy, it makes me feel sorry that I was even born to be a man. As if it's suddenly my fault that I belong to the gender that has been degrading women.

Weird... because I don't feel like I should be responsible for anything. And then it reminded me of my "fantasy" about the perfect American president. It was in 2008. Before Obama became president, he was battling with Hillary Clinton over who would become the democratic candidate for presidency.

Either way, there would be a chance to have a "first" kind of president. A woman or a black guy. Then I wondered: If republicans always come up with white men as candidates anyway, wouldn't it make sense to bring up a "perfect" minority candidate? Someone who would please all minorities?

And then the idea was born. So I wondered... what would that perfect candidate have to be in order to not leave anyone feeling left out? First of all, the candidate would have to be:

  • Female
  • Black
  • Lesbian

But then I thought: No, that's not good enough. Female is okay, but in terms of gender, there are subcategories and sub-minorities that demand attention. So the candidate would have to be female, but an ex-male. Transgender. So whoever the candidate was, she was a man once. Would this drive feminists mad because the only female candidate ever wasn't even born as a woman? Well, this would not be a legitimate complaint because no feminist should bash a woman just because she was born a man and wanted to be a woman. Checkmate!

Next up: The race issue. Okay, a black candidate would make sense, because black people are the biggest group of racial minorities in the USA, so they need a voice. But on the other hand: There are other minorities that need to be taken care of. We also long for the first Asian American president (Obama doesn't count). So the candidate's parents would have to be Asian. But wait.... one parent would have to be of Mexican origin just to make sure that that group is represented too. So in the end, it would not only have to be genetically clear that there is mixed heritage in the candidate, it would have to be visible, too. A black woman with asian eyes and hispanic facial features. Somehow...

About the lesbian part. That is not enough, either. We need to represent as much sexuality as we can. So bisexuality is a must, with different preferences the candidate can openly discuss. Bisexuality has the advantage that the candidate can change his views about whether she wants to be more with men or women. Everything is possible. And of course, she is open about other types of sexuality as well.

But we can't just settle for these things... there is much more that needs to be covered. How about disabled people? Does the public believe that disabled people can't run for presidency? We must prove them wrong at all costs. And we need to make sure that our candidate fulfills enough criteria. How about blindness? Yes, that's good. Blind people can achieve many things. But we need more. Diabetes? Check. Wheelchair? Check. Multiple disabilities involving trisomy? Check.

Other preferences.... well, vegan, of course. Anything else? I don't know.Oh yes, our candidate must embrace all religions at once. We don't have time for contradictions, just squeeze as many religions into the person as possible. Of course, the religious views have to mix with modern-day science, so everything that science states has to be acknowledged and must be compatible with religious views. Great!

I'm really afraid I missed something, but okay, let's just sum up what we have:

We have a black candidate with Asian and Mexican origins who is transsexual, female, bisexual, blind, bound to a wheelchair, has diabetes, is severely disabled in multiple ways, is vegan and very religious.

Will this be the perfect president who can solve the world's problems? Perhaps not. I don't know if there even is such a person in America or the whole wide world. But I think we should make sure not to believe that someone who does not belong to a minority group automatically wants to oppress minorities. I think it's more about the way the person grew up and how sensitive he or she can be towards issues that affect minority groups. I do admit that it often takes someone who is directly affected to know what the individual perspective of such a person is like. But then, this also means that our politicians have to be more in touch with such people.

If you believe this post was pointless, that's okay too... I don't want to oppress your views and opinions.