Always remember October...

Dear friends,

It's been 3 months since we came together (my girl and me). And as if it's another reminder that destiny is on our side, the letter she wrote to me a whole while ago arrived here today. No yesterday,not tomorrow,and not when letters usually arrive here. It took very long and we both had been ready to accept the mail got lost on the way,and that it would have been good if it would just come back to her. But now it arrived here at my adress, finally. Too bad i always feel tired and can't find time to really lie down somewhere to read it in silence once more. I have to work hard these days so i need to find time another day. Also to start working on this project i announced recently.

What can i say about October,about these 3 months (almost typed years ;) hehe) and this year,2005. You shouldn't praise the day before the evening has come,as we say here,but i'll write down some thoughts.

October is one of those months of thinking,like fall and winter are for me in general. Thinking months. In October,the leaves fall down,they've turned yellow,brown,red. The mornings are cold,sometimes the sky is filled with red clouds. You can hear car tires drive over wet asphalt. You smell a fresh wind of wet air and grass. The sound of the birds sounds different. Instead of happy (and still annoying) summer sounds you hear the cawing and screaming of crows and ravens. October makes me think.
And these three months of our relationship are just the beginning of something that i hope will be beautiful and everlasting. There are days when i feel depressed and i'm scared she won't accept me,coz how do i know that the "me" i am to her now is the "me" i am to her when we meet next year. Both is me,but there are different ways that it shows,and there's the Mike that doesn't let everything close and the Mike that can open up,but it's hard to tell how it will be. On other days,i'm optimistic, coz i know we do have a chance. I know she isn't perfect either and she surely would like to have someone who holds her and tells her that she is what she is,special. And i know that she would only have to tell me to go on and i'd go on forever with these things.
Time will show,but that doesn't mean that i want to let things go their own way. I'm not into "let's see if it works". I really wanna make it work. I know i can't do much but i don't want to make it sound as if i don't care. I care a lot and i wish,hope,and pray for success.
Three months weren't much when you look at what it did cost. We had to go through doubts and a little pain sometimes,and we will have that coming again and again,but i see good times coming too. Everytime she smiles,she makes all the things disappear that tortured me.

About this year...
I've mentioned it a lot and i don't want to bore anyone. Maybe i'll write again about this when december comes,but i can say a little now. 2005 was good. No doubt. It's all about how it turns out to be when it's over and how much time you spent being happy and sad. In 2 months i can say if it turned out good or bad,but no matter what,i felt loved for the first time. And i wanna say that i felt loved by a lot of ppl. And if you,dear reader,are one of the ppl who know me and if we chatted this year and you have the feeling we're friends, then you can be sure i'm talking of you too now. I'm glad for all the good ppl who made me feel good. Some of you gave me good advice. Sometimes it was just a book that you recommended that i bought and read, and it made sense and i got a little,just a little bit of experience and wisdom from it. But still a little bit that i don't wanna miss. Others were there when times got rough,and without them,i don't know if i would write this now. There were just a few days this year when the anguish and agony of this world didn't seem bearable any more. I could have stopped breathing this year,but i endured thanks to you guys and girls.

For some reason,the songs that i work on in the studio of my producer always have some resemblance to the real life in the here and now. I will soon finish a song that was written in 2002 as far as i remember. But when i wrote it i had the feeling that the moment when it felt appropriate would still be far away. Now it feels right to record this song. This song stands for getting older,becoming independent, starting to live your life. I made a big step into the right direction this year. The song conveys some of this feeling to the listener...maybe you will find yourself there too.

I wish i had more free time. Time to sleep in and to sit down to make music. I could get into a trance again and play for hours. Getting lost in these songs i love. Coz i love a little bit of melancholy here and there,that's me. I just love these songs that express a certain feeling,whatever it may be,but there's still this little bit of imperfection there. Something you can't have,something you miss,something that's still not right. What would life be if we were satisfied completely,with nothing to aim for at all. Yeah,maybe we would be happy, but then again,we don't have a choice anyway.

For today,i will be happy for what i do have. If i let her know that she's the reason for my happiness,every day in every way, then i can't go wrong.