Friday, November 07, 2008

Batman, Sex, Breasts and Ohhhhh God!!!!!!!

1. A Turkish city is trying to go to court against Batman. The reason? The city is called "Batman" and they claim that the name of the super hero was stolen from them. How pathetic. Batman is even an English word with its own meaning. Just a publicity thing, no meaning behind it. I once even knew a Turkish guy with a LAST NAME Batman! What is he going to do? I hope not the same as Bully and all these other idiots.

2.There was an article about Lewis Hamilton's team, McLaren. The article said that McLaren had been waiting for a title since 1998. WRONG! Very WRONG! I don't understand what they are saying. There are two titles in Formula 1. The constructor's championship and the driver's championship.

This year, McLaren only won the driver's championship (Hamilton's title). In 1998 AND 1999, Mclaren also won that title with Mika Hakkinen.

In 1998, they won the constructor's title also. But they didn't win it the year after. Just like they didn't win it in 2008.

Therefore: If you write about McLaren having waited since 1998, it makes no sense. Because you either say they ARE still waiting (because they have not won the constructor's title since 1999 until today!) or you say: They have been waiting since 1999. Because that was their last Driver's title. But you can't mix apples and oranges by saying "they had not won a constructor's championship since 1998, but now thankfully they won the DRIVER's championship this year". That's like forgetting about the title in 1999. Most illogical. And it shows again that the knowledge of a Formula 1 fan is worth more than the knowledge of someone who gets paid for knowing this. What an unfair world. If I was a marketing fan or a businessman fan (if that ever exists), would it be normal if I knew more than the people in the marketing and the stock market? No, makes no sense at all, bullshit!

3. Wow... should I skip this? Yes, I think none of my readers knows what an advent calendar is. No, I will write it here:




Okay, an advent calendar is a sort of calendar you put on a wall, like an ordinary calendar. And for every day between the 1st of December and Christmas, there is a small "door" that you can open with chocolate in it. There are different types of calendars, mostly they show a picture of a Christmas scenery full of people ice skating, going to the markets, celebrating, drinking whine, etc. And in this particular calendar here, there was a BIG scandal because it showed a mass murderer. I don't see what's so shocking about it though because this guy killed people 90 years ago! 90! I think everyone who was alive back then is dead now, and also everyone who was ever a victim's child. How can you call that shocking? Or a scandal. Bullshit again.

4. Now maybe to the worst. There is a new phenomenon with online articles. They have been using phrases like "Shock" or "Terrible" but now they are going one step further by putting stuff on the screen like "Oh God!". And I think that's very distasteful.
They have even opened a series, it seems. First there was this "Oh God! Sex can make you feel depressed" and now there is "Oh God! Coffee lets breasts shrink".



The "Oh God!" series starts off as "assholy" as it could. It says in the headline that it can cause depression. But only when you already enter the article in shock and terrible fear of never being happy again, you realise that only CYBER sex can cause depression. Whatever cyber sex is defined as, I already don't care while realising that the whole article was only supposed to get my attention.


By the way. just below the headline it says "the whole truth". That's either a lie because the above statement is wrong, or it's like "you know what, what we just said is bullshit, just read on and see what we are really trying to say".



A little different is the next "Oh God!" article, because at least it doesn't promise more than it keeps.




The headline says what the article follows. And now all the girls reading this (but it won't be many) will probably have their alarm bells ringing like crazy. Three cups of coffee a day can cause the breasts to grow smaller. Yeah. Big shock. I now know why I have never drunk even one cup of coffee in my life. Because:

-if female breasts + coffee = smaller breasts

then similar stuff will happen to guys. Because males also have sexual organs, they are just a little different, but the same rules apply to them. The only thing about this is that scientists first have to prove the obvious before we all know it.

By the way, notice how every article about breasts, no matter if it's medical or just for shock, always uses naked breasts to support the views and clicks? Sooner or later I will surely be able to show you an article about breast cancer, and they will joyfully use inappropriate pictures there to exploit the serious topic.

I already hate the "Oh God!" series. But they are not going to stop until they have found something new. Maybe in 5 years, it will be the "Shit your pants!" phrase instead.

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