A couple from Saudi Arabia got into an argument about the name of their newly born child so much that they ended up getting divorced. The father wanted to name the child after his own, recently deceased father, whereas the mother had exactly the same in mind and had already made a promise to her father.
Friends and relatvies tried to conciliate in vain - the divorce was carried out 48 hours after the birth. A national survey recently showed that the divorce rate in Saudi Arabia and the Arab states of the gulf is the highest in the world.
Some of the worst things in the world have happened and will happen in the name of tradition and family. I have already pointed out honour killings and other family-related issues. To me it's still hard to understand how people are so bound by their family that they destroy their current life, consisting of a partner or, as in this case, already their OWN family. Here in the west, it seems to be a very hard to imagine scenario. People here usually feel that they have their own life, and it's part of our way of life to follow our own "pursuit of happiness". If parents disagree, we tend to break bridges with them and feel good about it because we did the right thing. It's unthinkable to give up things that matter to us because of our parents.
The idea behind it is that the parents are a generation of their own. They HAD their good times. They HAD their life with us, it's THEM who decided to put us into this world without asking us, and only put us into this world for the sake of feeling happy themselves. They HAD their time, they HAD their 60s or 70s music that is so "out" after all these years. And most of all, they have each other and that's how they belong to each other, and for us it's time to find someone to belong to. Parents and their children are not supposed to share all their lives together and always agree with each other. Children have to become adults and do their OWN thing.
I think I will go through this drama too. In fact, I am going through it already and have been for a long time, but there is still a lot to come. I am tired of thinking about my parents' mistakes, and I don't feel responsible for them in any way. They have their own stuff to deal with and one day I will be gone and they can take care of themselves. I will not make promises to my parents or argue with my partner because of something my parents say. If my mum says "your girlfriend should [insert suggestion or critisism]", I don't get involved with that. Then I say to her she should rather come up with it towards her and I don't want to deal with it. I don't do stuff just because I get feedback from everywhere.
These idiots from the arabic states (this does not mean that all of them are idiots) should learn this rule:
1. You are responsible for yourself and make your own decisions, so you come first (it has nothing to do with egoism)
2. The person you are going to spend the most time of your life with has to come right after that, and not your parents who are going to die when you are only halfway through life.
3. If you choose to live according to the rules of your family, you live with the consequences. When they are already dead and you wasted all your chances to become happy, you are the one suffering, they already rest in peace.
4. If you decide to get a child, act responsibly! Because as soon as the child is there, the child has to come first - you put it into this world, you have to feed it and raise it.
5. If you are a parent of an adult child, LET GO! You HAD your time. You know what it was like when you were that age. Accept that your child has a right to live a life of one's own. If you didn't want to give up control then you should not have made a child.... bastard!
Argh.... I wish I could just beat up the whole world sometimes... well, in fact, not the whole world. Ugh... it's so sad when prejudices are confirmed so often.
1 comment:
I know that there are even worse cultures and traditions out there in the name of family or religion, etc. Looking up on all of them is only going to frustrate you for nothing and asking these people that they should learn this or that is like asking a pig to stop rolling around in shit.
If it happens, it's a miracle.
There IS an ego problem here:
'My family'
'My deceased father'
'My promise to him'
'My decision'
'My baby'
Because they feel that all of that (and more) makes them a person, without all that they become nothing so they panic. They feel that they are ruining their lives by not feeding their egos. When they feed the ego they feel good because they also feel that they are doing the right thing. They don't know that they are miserably ruined already. Do they even look like they're aware of what they're doing?
The only way for them to wake up is to go through extreme TRAUMA in their lives either by their own mistakes or someone else's. Yet even then some people's conscience just remain in a coma all their lives.
Like Hitler and how he kept wanting to conquer more. Nobody knew what was going through his mind but it clearly wanted more. Just more. So he could feel better about himself and bigger than others and making other people suffer while doing it. And did he learn anything?
Noooo. The rest of the world was the one who had to learn. He remained comatose, so much as to kill himself.
And there are many other insane examples of people being controlled by their minds which leads to their own destruction.
"If parents disagree, we tend to break bridges with them and feel good about it because we did the right thing."It's good to realize that each person has the right to live his or her own life. The only trap here is that 'doing the right thing to feel good' is not 'doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do'. It's easy to want to make ourselves superior to others because the bottom line is it just feels good (to the ego, that is). The ego is cunning and we're not always aware of it. Being aware of it is the only way it can shrivel like a fruit.
When ego takes over a whole chain reaction happens. Relationships become affected because relationships, if two people are not aware, trigger the ego and bring out the worse in people.
'Feeling that this other person completes me is mistaken for falling in love.' And that's the beginning. The happiness becomes a divorce and it was never love in the first place. There was only the heavy need of the ego to keep wanting more.
Even relationships among family had already been this way forever. How parents try to control their children, vice versa, and relatives get in the way, etc. What are they all even doing? They keep disagreeing over something that they feel will make them less of who they are, hence all the drama.
You see these things exist among other people and clearly you mentioned those in the middle-east a lot. In other parts of the world different cultures exist, it's not anybody's fault that things are so fucked up.
Every culture has its negative aspects, all you need to do is notice. Instead of letting it bother you so much trying to change the world which is impossible anyway, pay attention and learn what you can from them so as not to fall into the same trap they have.
One less egoic person is more than the world could ask for.
Phew.
End of comment.
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