Alien monster spider invasion!!!

Help me! Help me!!!



They are everywhere! T-online.de wrote that there is a "monster spider invasion" and spiegel.de describes them as "aliens", and when someone writes "aliens" (literally) then it can only mean aliens from outta space because in the German language the word "aliens" does not have a second meaning such as "foreigners". So it's really true! Monster spiders from outta space are conquering Germany. And then they're going to conquer Europe. And then the world. AHHHHHHH!!!!

Please do something! Call the police! Call Obama! Anyone! We must stop them. T-online.de also said they are sometimes 30 centimeters long, even though spiegel.de says they only reach 20 cm the most. But who cares! It's not like anyone has the time to measure them when they are obviously giant alien killer (mutant?) superpower spiders! Some people say they are not at all poisonous and don't even produce any ugly liquids, but how can we be sure of that? Do you want to trust some assumption someone made just like that? The species isn't even known by scientists yet. Yes, that's true. The species has not been determined yet. And of course not, because they are aliens!!! Help us!

I know it's very serious. The end is near. The media are not overreacting here. You know how reliable they are and how they know when to give warnings. I mean, the flood in Pakistan, they also report on that but much more calmly, and that proves that the spiders ARE a threat! They're gonna kill us with their legs! Or bite us...

Technically, they aren't even real spiders, but supposedly spider-like animals such as scorpions are. But even scorpions are dangerous, and they are even less spider-like. And if spider-lesser animals are dangerous, then spider-erer animals are a hell lot more dangerous. Right???

Think about it... they can cover your whole face with their long body... just as in... as in... the "alien" movies... Oh my god... the creators of "alien" were right.

The worst thing about these spiders. They attack in groups. They stick to walls in hundreds. And they must be super intelligent because they are social. When they are approached, they start swinging their bodies up and down to scare people. You see? They are like the raptors from Jurrassic Park: Social, intelligent, use attack patterns in a group. Woah!

And on spiegel.de the story goes on. A scientist was called by a woman who told him on the phone she was going to enter a barn to take a picture of the spiders, and she said she was going to call back afterwards. The scientist never heard of her again!

If you don't hear from me any more after this post, then you know that the worst has happened. If you live outside of Europe, then you probably haven't heard of this but you will... just be prepared. I warned you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!