Time to give this unloved, mostly unread blog another once-a-month update.
I have been in a new job for 2 weeks now, and I'm glad I survived so far. The first days were kind of boring, but this week flew by so quickly I don't even remember what happened. As if the whole week was empty and had nothing memorable in it.
But it's still hard to imagine that I can work so many hours a day all my life. I know it's worse in different countries and I know it has also been worse decades ago. And I also know that other people don't understand. There was this article I read today where some business expert complained that people retire into pension too early. He said that all efforts have been made to make work less physically demanding. Well, does he not get it? What about family time? It doesn't make me happy to be away from home from 6:20am until almost 6pm ONLY because it's not physically tiring. And there is also something that adds to the pain, it's this hole in the heart, the lack of meaning in our lives nowadays.
The only thing that remains is to celebrate the beginning of the weekend like a holy day (holiday). Going home after work on a Friday is the moment in time when the next day of work is further away than at any other point in time. Strangely, when I got onto the bus, some girls looked at me and giggled, and I felt like the centre of attention for some minutes. They must have found me cute. Hm... I wonder why it happens when I don't -really- need it any more, and doesn't happen when I need it. On the other hand I don't complain, it's a good feedback to know that I'm still interesting. Haha.
Some things make me feel calm, other things make me feel unhappy, others worried. It's not easy to feel pressure, anger, hope and happiness at the same time. It doesn't feel okay to be happy because I can fall into a deep hole again. And it also doesn't make sense to throw a good feeling away.
Anyway, I'm getting prepared for a new life of responsibility and work. I started physical training almost 2 months ago, and I have seen positive changes to my body. I grew muscles and lost weight at the same time, which is only possible with the right food.
I wonder what's going to happen in 3, 6, 12 months from now. I don't promise anything. I can fall, I can rise, anything can happen. I'll try to forget that so much depends on me. I'll also try not to assume too much although it's difficult. And maybe I will update this poor blog more than once a month.