Heaven and Hell (not about religion this time)

The cold that I had seems to have purged and purified me from the madness that had been in me. Suddenly everything is looking better than before. I wrote this damn spanish test and it was not so bad (and not so good either), I got that damn exam behind me, and I had two days off due to the cold.

And then came the change. I felt some good vibrations coming to me, and I could relax while I stayed at home. Then, when I came back to school today, I got a very good grade back for a group presentation. The presentations had been made in four groups consisting of four or five people each. Each of the groups had to appoint a leader, and back then, last friday, they had chosen me because I had just held another presentation right before that. And now, a week later, my group got the best grade out of the four groups, and the teacher, who hardly remembers a name at all, mentioned me and praised me. So you could say I was mentioned as the king of the best group. The king of the class. Haha. The best student of that particular lesson. What a feeling... I took it with humble pride of course...if that kind of state exists anyway.

Really strange for me because it's unexpected. I'm aware of the fact that I'm sometimes to harsh and strict with myself and that I take critisism personally and too seriously. But to go from one extreme to another like this is really unusual. Not that I would complain, but I wonder what this is all about, to feel like the worst at times and then become the best another day. On the way home I already thought "Okay, I'm allowed to feel good now, but what if I fail dramatically the next time?". Coz you see, now I have a reputation as a good presenter, though I hate presenting and I don't call it my strength. And I know I'm not spontaneous enough to always pull off a good presentation... I was lucky too. So I don't know...on the one hand I want to allow myself the feeling of pride, on the other hand I'm a little worried of being stigmatized as a "good presenter" or something like that. Perhaps heavenly success and a hell of a disappointment will come and go.

For now I feel good and I'm writing this to let you know there are good days too. Maybe the next post will be about terrible news again, it wouldn't surprise me... or well, maybe it will just be about the commercialisation of christmas.