To whom it may concern...

You know what bugs me? People who write news articles and make spelling mistakes. Or even putting wrong names in them. Like "Jorge Mourinho" instead of "Jose Mourinho". Or "Michael Schuhmacher" instead of "Michael Schumacher". They think they know what the people are called, but they are totally wrong and know nothing. Can't you expect from a sports article writer to know how the people he/she is referring to are called?

Much more common is that people make stupid mistakes like spelling or grammar. Most of the time words are double, like the guy is typing something, then he gets distracted, then he continues the sentence but types the last word he typed in AGAIN. And nobody reads through that article just once to check for errors. Sometimes they start a sentence, then end the sentence re-using a part of a sentence that was already used before. Or a verb comes at the beginning of the sentence and reappears at the end, making the sentence absurd.

It's okay that it happens once in a while, but I see this all the time. You know, it's not like it makes me angry in general. It's just that I think: Damn! Can I please have this job? Can I do this kind of thing to earn a living? Can you give it to me? I'm not even asking for more money, just let ME do it!
I would do it. You know, these people work on the internet, they have lots of readers, they get all the attention and often they can even really comment on things and not only have to convey facts. But the way some of them are is just unprofessional. I imagine it to be this way (and sorry again, I imagine they are all women):

A: (starts typing a sentence)
B: Hey, Angie, did you see my new shoes?
A: (stops typing) Oh! What? I didn't know that. They look cool!
B: Yeah, I was at this shoe shop with my boyfriend, but he was totally not patient.
A: Yeah, I know. Boys... at least you have a boyfriend *sighs* (resumes typing, but types one word again that had been typed before already)
B: ...Oh well...
C: Hey girls!
A+B: Hey! Nicole! How was your date last night? (A and B stop whatever they have been doing)
C: It was horrible! That guy was so annoying!
A+B+C talk for 20 minutes, then each of them quickly finished what they have been doing, adding lots of mistakes and leaving sentences unfinished.

Okay, maybe you get the idea and I can stop here. That's how I feel about these people, they sit in their office chit-chatting over everything and not even paying attention, and they are all women. Why women? Because of the way they write the articles. These articles are all about gossiping as soon as they are not mere news. You can read the bitchiness in the article without even knowing the name of the person, and you know there must have been a woman writing this. Just because of the annoying way it is written. But that is hard to explain.

Moving on... I'm trying to get a hold of my aggression. Haha. Well... it's easy to feel upset, even about little things. I discovered the only way to relax is to listen to very calm music. When I find something calm, funny or interesting, I put it as a favorite on my youtube page.
People can say that I just shouldn't be so angry. But that's too easy to say. I have aggression in my genes. My dad was a very aggressive person, even a drinker and a hell of a mad driver, he risked his life all the time doing crazy overtaking maneuvers with his children sitting in the car. Once he almost lost his life to it, and later vowed to take it easy. But I think he returned to aggressive driving. What matters is, I know where this aggression comes from. I don't think that I took it over from him, it's possible because children often solves problems the way their parents do, so it would be a way to explain, but I think it also has biological reasons. Maybe some kind of testosterone overflow, or just seeing red when things go bad. Something in the brain. I go berserk when things don't go well. If it's really bad, I get desperate attacks, I smash the keyboard, I damage the shower, I hit things and throw them around, there were times I was so desperate about my stupid homework that I got something like a nervous breakdown. And all the time I think:"I should be doing something more useful/fun right now".

I know I won't last long like this. But I'm not letting myself drown in the sweet self-pity of such a thought. I want to be healthy and not burden other people by letting them know I will die early, instead I'm going against it. There is a tendency in me to be peaceful, too. I learned how to meditate when I was still a child, maybe 11 years old. And I have started doing sports seriously. Not like before where it was just a phase of a couple of days. I am now doing bodybuilding. It has been 2 and a half months, so no fucking around, I got used to it. Today was the 51st session that I marked on my calendar. So far, I had about 15-18 sessions per month, so I trained my body sometimes 6 times a week, sometimes only twice, but I did it professionally by reading a lot about it. When I first started out, the exercises were pretty lame, I did the wrong movements, didn't know much about what matters. Now I know that it has to be done well, that I have to train all muscles and not only the ones I want to see grow, and also that the workout is only one third of the whole thing. Yes, that's right, one third. The other two thirds are eating the right food at the right time and giving the body a lot of time to rest. There is nothing more stupid than doing 2000 situps every day.

Now, after about 50 sessions that lasted between 5 minutes and 90 minutes, and after getting more and more professional at it, I can already see I did some improvement. There are muscles I didn't know of before, when I pose in front of the mirror, it looks nice, and I also lose some fat. Because that's part of it, too. You can't see certain muscles if you have loads of fat over them. I am still overweight, so I had to change my habits. I banned chocolate from the table, and to my surprise, it's not even a torture to the soul. I used to be a sugar junkie, but now I realised that these crazy hunger attacks disappear when the blood sugar level is normal for several weeks. I can only recommend to take that into account. Eating sweet things makes the body get unbalanced, and then it will try to decrease the blood sugar level, then you will suffer from an extremely low blood sugar level, and then you feel hungry for chocolate again. I eliminated this problem, and now I am barely even hugry at all! I can almost eat nothing without noticing it, but again, that would be wrong too. If I eat too little, my body goes into the saving mode and consumes less calories. So I need to force myself to eat a little at least. But that's okay, I like cooking.

Enough of that. I'm curious what it will be like in 6 months if I can keep this up. It's even okay to have a break once in a while, but I need to make sure not to injure myself.

Hm... We are reaching the end of May. The winter has died. Summer will come sooner or later. I guess it will be hot like hell, but won't last too long. We will see...