Moments that leave you speechless...and the blood boiling to the ceiling

Let me tell you something that happened today. My cat choked on a blade of grass that she had swallowed (at least for the third time in her life now) and we had to take her to the vet, on a Friday, after 7pm.

We went there and didn't expect that many people would be there, the place was already supposed to close down for the day. We sat down, and other people were around us, still waiting. One of the people working there, a former classmate of mine, recognised me, smiled at me and said that my hair was so long. Very nice of her and it was funny how again people are so happy to see me.

Then happened something that makes me wonder what is wrong with this world. A couple entered the room, they had a cage with a cat with them, and they sat down. For a split second, I thought about saying some silly thing like "are you here because of a blade of grass, too?" but I kept my mouth shut. Later, when someone said "next one please", both me and my mum, and also the other couple stood up. I looked at them in confusion. Then the woman said "we were here first". My mum and I were more confused and my mum said that we were first. The next sentence coming from the woman was:"that is wrong, but go ahead". It made me kind of angry, this attitude of complete make-believe perfection, the arrogance to think that they are right, but they are only stupid. They were the very last ones to enter that vet place that day, nobody came after them, not a single soul. How can they claim to have been there before us?

It makes me wonder, are people completely idiotic and at the same time insisting in the most arrogant way, or are they calculating, manipulating and evil? Did they expect to fool us because we look like stupid, weak people?

There are so many more examples of this kind of behaviour. The worst thing is the way I feel helpless about it. It's as if I'm the last person who was raised differently. As if I was the last person who was beaten as a child and taught to follow authorities instead of rebelling against them. Most parents nowadays, let me tell you, raise their children in this "please don't do that" or "you won't do that, will you" way. Not in the "stop it, dammit, you idiot" way. I'm not saying that the latter is better, but this is the way I know and though it damaged me immensely (together with being beaten up), it at least made me a bearable part of society. Not someone who you have to ask twice to give way in a grocery. Or to help if someone needs help. But today, people are really, really different. Not only children, also parents. As if I was raised in a family from the beginning of the 20th century.

I don't want to be mean and prejudiced, but there is something about a lot of women that I don't understand. I've mentioned the example above, that was also typical for a woman and is hard to expect from a man, don't ask me why.
Another example is this (and I ask you to imagine this vividly): I am in a grocery, holding a bag full of things I just bought. I'm walking towards the exit/entrance area, which is kind of narrow. Near a stand of postcards, I get stuck because a woman with her little son is approaching me, and for some reason, she has to stop right in front of me and do various things, like looking around, talking to her son, etc. Not for a single, not even the slightest moment, does it seem awkward to her that I, as a total stranger, am standing right next to her and her son as if I belong to the family. It simply doesn't matter. I stand there and stand there and every second I think:"Now is the moment. Now is the moment that she tells her son to move away so the man (me) can walk by. Now comes the moment". But it doesn't come. This woman is too busy daydreaming or talking to her one and only sweet sweet boy.

Another example. I'm in the car, driving towards a crossing, and if other cars approach, I know I need to give way. There is a car coming around, so I stop my car to let the other car go by. But the car gets slower and slower. For a second, I think, maybe it's someone who doesn't know the traffic rules here, but that would be okay. But no... the car stops right in front of the crossing, without even giving any signals, and an old woman steps out of the car. Shaking my head, I hit the gas and go by once again. I can see that a woman is the one behind the wheel.

You know, the question I have is: Why are women so emotional, so caring, so "I feel so many things, and I want to know how my dad, my mum, my siblings feel. Everything is about feelings", yet they can't even act according to everyday life situations. Sometimes they are in their own world. And then it also happens that they are so into their own world that they start imagining things (see the first paragraphs of this text). Why are women all about feelings, yet they can't sympathise with strangers? Like:"How does the other driver feel if I leave him in confusion?". Don't we have feelings, too? Oh yeah, blood boiling feelings.

I really don't have a problem with women, but sometimes they freak me out. I think if I was a woman, I would really be stressed out because it takes so much concentration to just not get in someone else's way all the time.

Okay, as you know, I have problems too. I think I need some sort of therapy. It's the stress. I get totally angry easily, I feel stressed easily, and I get scared easily, AND I'm paranoid. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode and die of exhaustion at the same time...and the muscles that ache the most are the shake-head muscles.
I won't get very old this way, but I don't want to die too soon. Something has to change, also for the sake of the people who have to tolerate my behaviour. How do I go about this at all? I feel like everything is in my hands and up to me all the time. I can't allow any mistakes because I feel embarrassed often enough already. I have to pull myself together, and at the same time I can even feel scared when I hear a leaf falling off a tree (no joke, it happened one night).

The discouraging thing is that I do sports, I take baths, and it still doesn't really change much. And apart from that, I tend to feel hopeless about life. Life is only short joy and lots of Tristesse.

Ira is right. Everything is not good enough for me. The best is just good enough if I'm lucky. Maybe I ask for too much, but what can I do when the standard for happiness is set so high?

At the moment I already appreciate if strange people (women and men) don't make my blood boil... and not to mention my cat that makes stupid things on a Friday evening.
Yeah... sometimes I could cook noodles in my stomach, that's how I boil.