As always, my life is dominated by thinking about it. I notice how everything inside my head changes so quickly. Rearrangements take place all the time. Things that were threatening become easy to take, things that I expected to be okay are nightmarish. Fears or bad expectations turn out to be good things, and whatever you expect, something different happens all the time. The only rule that seems to be there in my life is that I can't be happy for very long until some bad news has to spoil it all again. This is me thinking pessimistic.
Well, at least I survived up to now, and up to now I haven't lost anything that I care about. It makes me lucky although I feel cursed too, sometimes.
The novel is still nice to read, although I don't recommend it to you if you don't like vulgar language. After all it deals a lot with mundane pleasures. But there is still the idea of the dice. When I wrote about it the last time, I didn't intend to say that I would really put my life into its hands. It's just the good idea that comes along with it. The relief from stopping to plan everything. The relief of not thinking so much any more. You just follow the flow. And there's no decision that's really so important any more. Maybe this is what life would be like if humans had never been confronted with any kind of religion. Pure coincidence, living life for its own sake. Imagine all the people...
Another pleasent thing to mention is that I'm losing weight pretty well at the moment. I had been stagnating for a while although I don't eat sweets any more, but after some weeks of not losing weight despite good self control, the effects finally show. I can expect to reach my target weight within the next two weeks maybe. If that's the case, it will finally reach the mark of a 30 kilos loss between 2003 and now. Back then, I had once stepped on the weighing machine and noticed I have to do something. So I decided to lose 30 kilos... but I only reached 20 kilos less. Now I'm coming close to my ideal weight.
My cat must have gained muscles. She is knocking on the window like a madman/cat. It's her sign that she wants to be let into the house. I will, but now I'm writing this. It's annoying how she keeps on beating and beating against the window. Sometimes it's so loud that you think a person is knocking against it in anger. She must be thinking "this stupid idiot, can't he hear me with his headphones on?!". And when I let her in she really is annoyed and meows at me and I meow back, and so it goes on for a while.
Enough for today. Have a nice weekend, you people out there.
2 comments:
i don't feel that's being pessimistic. that's just real life. it's never how you want it to be anywya. and once something good happens, shit will always come along anyway.
how heavy are you now?
and oh, weird cat
76 kilos. The worst I ever had was 105 some years ago. That was after I had eaten myself to death (normal at that time was 103. Haha). I still aim at 69 kilos because that would be my ideal weight.
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