I'm fed up with work at the moment. My job sucks. It used to be okay or even good for several months,and I've been there for 6 months,but now it starts to get unpleasent. I'm annoyed by it, and some things in the past weeks have made it more and more difficult so one thing led to another. It has to do with some people at work. As you might know I work at a school for disabled people. The one who I "hate" the most is the mother of the most severly disabled kid in class, who suffers from trisomy 13. She always needs to have everything done correctly, and the slightest mistakes will come back to the person who did it. But it's not possible to make everything right,especially when she asks for so many little things. And on some days,it does not only have to be done right,but quickly too. The next time she will make me angry I will scream.
Then there are the students themselves. When I started to work with them, I was motivated and had my own visions of working with them. Improving them, encouraging them, making them better. But this idea crumbled and now i've become someone who doesn't see much more in them than hopeless cases,and that's also because of the way they treat me. It's sad that they are only trying to cause trouble and make stupid jokes.
There is also my colleague. He started to work in my class some months later than me. It's strange how our working relationship developed. On the day he started, I was away in another class as a substitute. When I was back on the next day,he knew everyone's name and had an easy and undifficult relationship with every student,getting along well with them. He turned out to be the socially skilled one. He always found the right words,knew how to motivate the students and to treat them as if he was one of them,also fooling around. Only a few weeks later I had to realize that he had overtaken me completely. He was the better one. From then on I was the number 2, and somehow I had nothing to say,and not so much respect from the students. What I hate the most is that they call me by his name, me,the one who was there like 2 months before him. I have to tell them I'm not him,and then they remember to call me by my own name. Not very motivating.
This colleague has a behaviour that is very different from mine. He is very relaxed,doesn't take anything seriously,likes to fool around with others until it gets too much and still doesn't stop,he always complains when he's bored. I often have to remind him to do things or he will forget them,or just do them too slowly or take too much time. "Did you measure the blood sugar? Did you give him water? Did you write that down? When will you do this? Can you help me? Hello, now! Could you please stop fooling around and help me here?". This severely disabled person is the one we have to take care of the most. I'm always after it and trying to do things as soon as possible,according to the time schedule. But my colleague doesn't care so much,and he only does what's necessary. It stresses me coz I don't like it when someone doesn't seem to work sincerely.
Then there are moments when this guy acts like he knew the whole truth. He blames me for things that he does all the time. And makes me look like I'm careless. I'm so angry because of how he turns around everything. And you know what? He even earns more money than me,just because of bureaucracy reasons. I'm the one who puts in the most effort,who's most routined,who works professionally. But it's like he gets rewarded for being so "chilled" and "relaxed". So this is how it feels to be the number two,to be the older one who's outrun by a younger,better team mate. To be the one who was there first,who puts in most of the professionality but who has to share it with the one who makes the best impression on everyone,who gets along with everyone better. You can call me envious..tell me how i'm supposed to feel. Maybe someone who has younger siblings can understand how I feel, but only to some extend. I'm glad he's not my brother...haha. Man,I just want to get the next 6 months behind me so i can go somewhere else.
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