Ladies and Gentlemen,
Time to talk about something that's got nothing to do with my life,or just a little. I sometimes philosophy or think about some topics. And i make up my own theories. This post is dedicated to all the girls who have a boyfriend and who might wonder why he is strange in some way...and with that i mean why he might be looking at other girls, think of other girls,flirt with other girls,have playboy wallpapers in his room and so on. The person who inspired me to this is Shida. You can check out her blog,it's in my link list. Very nice to read (her blog i mean).
Where do we start. Okay,first of all,the male homo sapiens underlies very low and simple principles. Depending on his intelligence,the social status and the education,it's more or less important for him to show his male strength,which often means his sexual power. A lot of the things i will talk about have to do with something we call Adlerscher Machttrieb (check for Alfred Adler for further information). In other words, it's all about the drive for power. It starts in everybody's childhood,no matter if it's girl or boy. I have to leave out a lot of the basic stuff,but what you have to know is that a human being always strives for power,recognition and all kinds of stuff that have to do with that.
At some point in time, the male human being is through with the inner-family fights,and the days of peer pressure (commiting small crimes,doing risky things) are over too. Then comes the stage when he has to face the real world,and that means to prove himself as a real man. He has to show everybody that he knows how to get chicks, how to check out "hawwwwt chicas" and stuff. So you get the idea,it's his "duty" to get into contact with as many girls as possible,to stand this test of nature in front of his (male) friends and himself.
Additionally,he has a program built in that forces him to act like this. In primitive times,if you believe in the theory that there was a stone age, it was important for the man to produce offspring very quickly. It wasn't the man's role to take care of the household (cavehold in early days). He had to hunt,collect berries and have sexual contact with as many women as possible. Also in competition with other men who wanted to spread their genes. Now think for a second: Is there any reason why the male program,the thinking pattern,the male psychology should change? No. That's clear. As clear as the fact that a life form like a plant doesn't need a brain for the simple reason that it cannot move and thus doesn't need a very expensive development (expensive in evolution terms) like a thinking machine.
And there we are. The male brain still has the same sex instincts as many years ago. That's the reason why boyfriends act like this. Let's look at the consequences.
What you have to know is that nowadays, a lot of things DID change. In the good old days,when a naked woman and a naked men met in the middle of the african bushes, it happened that the man got horny and did what you can clearly imagine now. He was the leader of a group of women and children and he had to make sure there will be ppl who take care of him when he is old. Same like today. Now back to the present. You can imagine that the average man thinks about sex much more often than he gets the chance to apply sex. And he still has the same program. So when he sees an attractive girl, he thinks of sex but he cannot jump at her of course. That's something he cannot do at that moment. The consequence is that he has to find a compensation for his sexual drive,so he has to flirt a lot,look at a girl's butt (even if he walks hand in hand with his girlfriend while he does that!) or make compliments.
The most important thing is that there's a clear border between thinking and doing. And between feelings and mere sexual drives. I think it's okay if a guy dreams of having sex with another girl than his own girlfriend, and Sigmund Freud would agree with me since he thinks that the dream has the function to make the dreamer live out his innermost sexual wishes. The difference is just, the sexual aspect is only a physical thing,and it doesn't mean anything. On the other hand,that does NOT mean that it's okay if a guy flirts with other girls all the time when he has a girlfriend. You have to pay tribute to the beast in yourself,but you have to be a socially intelligent person at the same time. We have highly developed structures,morals and values. It's what separates us from the ppl we were supposed to be thousands (millions?) of years ago.
Here's what's acceptable (+) and not acceptable (-) in my opinion. Girls should tolerate it and guys shouldn't worry about it. But there's of course limits everywhere.
+ guy dreams about having sex with someone who is not his gf once in a while
+ guy finds a girl physically attractive
+ guy imagines the girl naked (but dismisses the thought and doesn't go horny when he has a gf)
+ guy makes compliments to an attractive girl, but doesn't offend or humiliate his girlfriend
- guy dreams about having sex with someone who is not his gf all the time
- guy thinks of a different girl while having sex
- guy flirts with a girl who is not his gf
- guy imagines a girl who is not his gf naked, or imagines having sex with her for a long period of time, while being lusty about it
- guy looks at other girls' butts in a very obvious way and intendedly
I could add points. By the way,everyone is invited to comment on this.
3 comments:
This post has left me with strange feelings. Mosty feelings of disbelief and wonder.
You say male strive for power.You say men have some inner drive they can't help but accept.You say all males need to prove themselves to others etc.
Then comes the stage when he has to face the real world,and that means to prove himself as a real man. He has to show everybody that he knows how to get chicks, how to check out "hawwwwt chicas" and stuff. So you get the idea,it's his "duty" to get into contact with as many girls as possible,to stand this test of nature in front of his (male) friends and himself.
These lines are amazing. Not in a good way, mind you. This is exactly what men, who are insecure and who don't devote to a woman, say. You say it's a man's duty to have many woman?! Dear oh dear. The key isn't in quantity, it's in quality. You shouldn't go around thinking that only after having 5 or 6 girlfriends, the 6th or 7th might be the one to stay with.What if you marry the second girtlfriend? Does that mean you're not the right man? That you only prove to the world you're a man when you have a certain amount of women behind you?
You speak of having a program built inside to act like this. Omg. What books do you read? People, man and women, have a conscious. We are aware of our own thoughts, feelings etc. We are in control.I can do exactly what i want to. No power can come over me and make me do something i don't want to etc. Human beings have a mind. And with it, we can develop thoughts,we can test what we hear. And we can even, believe it or not, test ourselves. What we initially think, is not something we actually do. No matter what the subject is.
I'd like to tell you what a real man is. A real man is a human being who is a kind, truthful, honest being. A person who wishes well, does well and acts well. A real man is somebody who when with a woman, trusts her, respects her, wishes her well, listenes to her, satisfies her etc. The point is in what kind of a person he is. The quality. I would never see a man who goes from one woman to another, albeit treating her well, just to count. I myself prefer men who don't go around bragging with their throphies, showing around to everybody they can get chicks (!! you said chicks! do you have any respect towards women?!).
Oh, and you spoke of lust and sex. You say that every man when he sees an attractive woman, thinks of having sex with her. And you say men can fantasize about having sex with other women also when being with their girlfriends. Hm. I wouldn't want to be your girlfriend! You are talking about the sex drive as if it was a force that takes over a man and thinks for him. I just adore a man's sex drive. It is something i really love in a man. But i don't believe a man can look at a woman's ass because of such a overflow of sex drive even when holding a gf's hand! For the love of god!
What kind of a girlfriend do you think a man chooses?! Such a horrible one that he needs to look at other woman's asses to filter his sex drive, even when holding her hand!? Then why do you chose one like that?! Then get the hell away from her and be with one that will take care of you, one that will satisfy you and calm you sex drive. One that will fulfill your fantasies. One that will make you feel special so you won't have to look around and look at others etc.
In my opinion, you will need to do a lot more thinking, before understanding what a real man is.
Baya, i think you misunderstood what i was trying to say. This wasn't MY opinion. I think you got too much into something that was meant differently. I'm the opposite of what's written there. What i was trying to say is,some guys,primitive guys,are like that. And of course there's a conscious, that's what makes the difference. But some guys are like this,deep inside. It's not what i think is good,i think it's bad too. Looks like i have to point out my own opinion more...but well, i tried.
After many years and coming back to this post, it still bothers me.
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