Paranoia

I have a strange kind of paranoia that I don't take seriously, it's more like a joke, but I tend to accept it as a part of me to the point where I start to doubt I am making this up.

Many of you know the Truman Show, a Jim Carrey movie. It's basically the same thing that's going on with me. Even when I was a small child, I once had this idea that there were invisible cameras around me watching me. Yes, it actually happened to me before this movie was made.

The reason why I often thought everything is made up was because my life was always different from the lives of others. Other people always had standard lives. I know there is no "normal" life, but there are ordinary lives and extraordinary lives. Mine is most extraordinary.

It's like everything around me consists of actors who imitate a normal world. When they pass me, it looks like everything is normal. It's supposed to look normal. But sometimes people stare at me as if they are thinking:"Look at me! I want you to see my face! It's my once in a lifetime chance to be part of this show! OMG! He has seen me!"

The way everyday life is unusual is also how I run into people when I deliberately try not to. The staircase is always silent, but as soon as I open the door ONCE, someone else has to open their door. I step out of the house, suddenly everyone has the same idea. I walk into the most forsaken forest, and suddenly everyone is out to walk past me. Whether it's morning, evening, night. But after all I still know: If I ever break my leg in the middle of the forest, I'm going to crawl all the way back to my house before anyone calls the ambulance.

Then there is how my life develops. It's very unusual, just like you would imagine the life of someone who is followed by cameras but doesn't know. Imagine you are on tv and everyone is watching you, but you have no clue. What would the producers want? I guess an extraordinary life. So while other people get born, graduate from school without ever repeating more than one year, and getting a boring job and a boring family, my life is totally different. And like I said, it is very different.

Who would guess that all these things would happen to one person: Troubled childhood, goes through 9th grade three times (!), suffers from depression to the degree where he gets locked up like in prison, records his own music in a music studio, meets his idol in a cafe after talking to her online (which, at that point, she is infamous for not doing at all), falling in love with someone from the internet who is strangely connected to the whole story about the idol, unexplicable incidents happen that can not be explained with logic, and then the same person also fails and fails at finding the right job training year after year.

Okay, at first it sounds like a bunch of strange coincidences. I mean, I might have had a plane accident too, right? Yeah, I know what you mean. But I can't go so much into detail about everything, just trust me that some things just can't be coincidence.

So I decided to just write down all the things that are going to happen to me. You can see it as a humerous thing, or you can see it as me trying to spoil the producers' plans. At least I would then know that I was right and the whole pathetic theatre could stop:

Age 26: Fails again to be accepted in a job training OR gives up on another job training.

Age 27: Tries to get married but the authorities make it impossible after the laws have JUST been changed to the subject's disadvantage (what a coincidence).

Age 28: Suddenly seems to have found a great job training. But subsequently, the company dies and the job training cannot be finished. It would have been the perfect company, he already felt so unbelievably satisfied in this job.

Age 29: Starts studying since he is too old to be accepted for any further job training.

Age 35: Finally is able to get married and does so. Dreams seem to come true. Finally there is mercy in this world. The celebrations are private but joy is everywhere. After that, it's still a struggle with lots of work in a demanding job that doesn't make him happy.

Age 36: The economy is going down, which is a good excuse for getting fired from a good job he just had for a month. A hard time begins. At the same time, a baby is on the way, so the pressure is immense.

Age 37: Subject decides to send demo CDs of his own music to record companies. And oh, what a miracle, he gets accepted and becomes famous, although not so rich. The baby is born, it's a daughter.

Age 38: The wife dies in a tragic way, no idea how, but it has to happen, right?

Age 39: After having lost so much (and he also lost money and fame because of the economy collapse and private problems), he fights back, becoming a sportsman who eventually wins prizes. He releases a book on how to overcome so many struggles in life while being a single father.

Age 40: As an experienced musician, he fulfills his dream of taking part in the amazing process of creating a new music instrument, a synthesizer that doesn't have ordinary keys and is very revolutionary. He wants to use this to put his crazy feelings into music, but is too busy taking care of his daughter and trying to raise money with his bad qualification.

Age 41-45: Leads a normal life again, not being able to be very happy. Lots of stupid things happen. In this period of time, he suffers from lung cancer due to passive smoking (yeah, you bastards!), and has to fight back yet again. It just goes up and down, but he eventually defeats cancer.

Age 46-50: He is back to writing music again, and some people are even interested in his new, mature music, but in a bad car accident, he loses his memory and has to start over. Only after many months he is able to recall all the good and bad moments, which causes heavy emotions in him.

Age 51: He overcomes his fear of cars and drives again. At least, he thinks, he was lucky enough to only lose his memory and not to be severely injured. He tells everyone that THIS is what gives him a good feeling.

Age 52-53: Another bad accident, but this time he also suffers complicated bone fractures. He recovers quickly, but it takes a long time until the pain in under control. He feels very paranoid, but not paranoid enough to hide from everyone that he feels lucky not to have killed anyone in the accident.

Age 54: Having decided not to drive a car anytime soon, he gets involved in yet another car accident, this time as a passenger. As the driver falls asleep, he tries to steer the car to prevent a collision with another car, but tragically steers the car into a pedestrian who dies. He is totally nerve-wrecked after this and feels absolutely paranoid. After this, he has to admit himself to a mental institution for several months.

Age 55: His daughter runs away and becomes a drug addict. She blames him for causing all of her problems, also claiming that it's not possible to have an undepressed child if the father was already so depressed. She is also angry that he had a new girlfriend in between. What she does not know is that he eventually gave up the relationship because he realised he could never get married again happily. There is only one wife for him.

Age 56: A war breaks out, and the subject has to go to war against a far away country. While he is away, his home land gets attacked by another country and his daughter is abducted (she wants to leave the series).

Age 59: He returns after several years of prison. He accepts a crappy job and decides not to try hard on anything any more since everything is so useless.

Age 60: Since he does not get influenced by all the ups and downs around him, the producers decide to reveal the big secret to him that his whole life was just a show. While breaking down in tears, he has a heart attack and dies. What a dramatic ending! Fantastic!