End of April

I should not let this month pass without writing here.

Life has been an up and down again. I guess it's the way it always goes, from birth to death. As a baby you cry because something is always wrong, to the dismay of the sleep-deprived parents, and as an old person you hope that your pension will bring you through the month and that nobody will take away your belongings due to debts.

We live in the most luxorious time ever, at least up to now. We have highly developed toilets, kitchens, tv, we can have rice in two minutes or we can order our food by telephone. Yet, this is still a cruel world even if there's no war, or people getting stoned....umm... where I live.

There are still so many problems and it feels "lonely" to think that I'm one of few people who really think about life the way I do. People around me can't stop discussing which disco to go to next weekend, I already think about what it means to leave this world one day, and what consequences it brings. I wonder how many times I need to walk under the stars until I can say that I've not lived in vain and that I've appreciated life enough to not cry tears of regret when it ends.

Life is still cruel also in everyday life. We don't need war to worry. There are wars though, invisible wars. They are created by the rules that the system created, like the invisible hands of supply and demand. A human being is only working substance, a working resource, material of which physical labour is formed. There is no space for sentimental thoughts.

Then there is also hate or resentment. People I consider close to me don't understand my efforts. They see a problem that is more important to them than me, so they think that I can just step back and mind my own business. They don't know that life is hard for everyone and that just because they have problems, they think that I don't have the right to get something. But it's hard to explain. It doesn't even matter coz hardly anyone reads this blog. I know that I must also be careful with who to give feelings like trust. Especially people who are somehow family but somehow they're not. Blood is thicker than water but that is not the appropriate sentence in that case. It won't be the same blood.

Enough of talking in riddles. Maybe the most interesting lesson came from school this week. The rule of capitalism: If everyone thinks of himself only, everyone is considered.