I have a theory that at some point in life there's a big change. It's a point from when things get much clearer and you know where you're at. I believe it has to do with love,the job you go for, religion and the social status. Perhaps other things too,like dreams that you want to fulfill for yourself.
I'm close to this point. There's a lot of tension at the moment because nothing is clear. The job search costs me a lot of nerves,and every job has a big catch. Often there are unfair circumstances that make it hard or even impossible to go for certain jobs. But I see some options and sooner or later i will have to go for one of them.
Then there's the love aspect. Something is in reach,and it's interesting too. Nothing is for certain,all i know is that there is a chance it may work. If it does,then i expect this to be permanent and a turning point in my life. I believe in it, and she does too. Of all the aspects about life this is the one that makes me most happy.
Religion will always be some kind of struggle for me. The questions don't stop,but i also know that being happy makes me think of other things...and i might be able to accept life as it is and believe in the what is good...whatever that means.
The social part of life is okay for me. There are some ppl that mean something to me,but not many. My attention is focused on two people at the moment,one of them is myself (well,the center of everyone's life). It's probable that this is the reason why i'm not so concerned about my few friends.
It's important for me to be able to earn money. If possible in 3 years and not later. I'm not crazy about finding my dream job,it's enough if i feel good at what i do,and i hope i can manage to get something i feel comfortable with.
Love is always important and it's different for every person. When you are used to dreaming about it only,it means much more when you suddenly encounter it. I let it happen that it makes me happy.
These two things are about to come into shape in the next months. At the end of this year,i will be wiser. I'm already curious what life will look like for me. I don't want to claim that the worrying ever stops for ppl like me...but i hope that i get to this point i've been wanting to pass for some years. I used to tell my parents "you have a good life because you don't need to worry about finding the right job. You don't have to do maths,you just go to work everywhere and you can do something you like,and don't have to be prepared for bad situations like i have to".
What I mean to say is, it feels right to become independent now...slowly. I always thought i would hide from this but now the circumstances force me to,but at the same time i want to get further now because it might lead me to a good life.
And once again i feel like i talked a lot of shit. Well,no need to worry,it's a blog.
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