I don't want to complain,but...

Is it a good or bad thing when all these mixed feelings,sometimes good,sometimes bad, turn into emptiness?
At the moment, I don't want anything,don't miss anything,don't feel any happiness or sadness in me. I can't exactly say how,but in some way i made myself unemotional. There is nothing that goes beyond today. No fear and no hope. The only thing i ask for is a weekend,so i will sleep longer,and theoretically,i'd have time to do all these wonderful things that are supposed to get me out of the hole.
One month until christmas. Not a real reason to look forward to it. The presents,if there will be any,are something i could get on other days too. Luckily,christmas and birthdays exist,only for this reason...to get presents.

When I look at myself,i see some changes...or restructuring. There are some desires that have been satisfied or fulfilled...dreams and wishes that came true and were granted. Other things ceased to be of interest,they died away from my mind. This mind asks for new things,new wishes,interests,hobbies. But there's a lack of all of them. I don't know what to do with my life,yet. And of the many dreams i could have,I maybe have one left. And of all the hobbies,there are some that I consider as existant...but they are set to stand by. Or maybe they die away from me too. The danger now is that I will get the wrong hobbies. I don't know how to explain that for people who don't know the situation. Well,one simple example would be that i could switch writing music with playing video games. That would be a change towards creativelessness. Not that i haven't played games yet,but they haven't been what i wake up to every day since a long time ago. It shouldn't be like that again,that i wake up to play again.

What I don't really understand is why it affects my feelings. Why does it happen that I feel nothing? It wouldn't make a difference if i died today. I don't feel a desire for fighting against life's obstacles...but i don't feel like dying either. Where is the inspiration i'm waiting for? I need something that brings all the feelings back. A lot of happiness,a little bit of longing,some melancholy,some hope. A little bit of everything. Right now i'm a robot on low battery.